Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Wachinko Warrior


This story was inspired by many a brother in law, brother, uncle and friends. It was contributed in part by a couple of girls I met in passing. Like the legend of the Wateca Warrior Princess, there is a legendary warrior in every family, the Wachinko Warrior.

The Wachinko Warrior was probably babied by mom or grandma and knows he has someplace to go if he gets kicked out of his house, like once a week. He has many friends and cousins that will keep him too. Not particularly because he is charming, or maybe he is...and that is why he gets kicked out. He was probably looking at his woman's friend or watching Taylor Swift on TV all "some-how."

Anyway the Wachinko Warrior travels lightly, usually his wachinko bag is a shopping bag, which is good because he is aware of the envirmoent and recycles. It is often referred to as a "go to hell" bag and it's only packed for the moment. I will tell you what everyone thinks is in the wachinko bag and what really is in it.

This is what his mom wants to be in the bag:

A comb, toothbrush, soap,extra roll of toilet paper, condom, because if her baby really does that he needs to be safe, his ID, a phone card to call mom so she can go pick him up, a lunchable, extra change of clothes and clean socks and underwear.

This is what his wia (woman) wants in the bag:

A picture of her, a phone card, no change of clothes because he will be back and her chonies.

This is what his other girlfriend wants in the bag, the one he thinks he is going to be with for a night but she thinks its forever:

His ID, to start a new life with her, a condom, something to drink, his EBT card to wine and dine her, and a coupan for windshield repair.

This is what is actually in the bag:

A clean pair of chonies.

I know this because I had to house many wachinko warriors for the night. And the one that was at the doorstep, with a laundry basket full of his woman's underwear, you know who you are.

Remember the next time you see a man walking, trying to keep his head up proudly but you can see the single tear on one side like Iron Eyes Cody, with the recycled shopping bag in his hand, looking lost, that is, my friends, the Wachinko Warrior.

1 comment:

Dana Dane said...

just to let you all know

this won't be published in the paper because i don't want to edit it so it's not so personal