Monday, December 31, 2007

More Drama From The Princess of Good and Evil

So last night I was watching all these marathons on VH-1....and beading, of course. By the time Flavor Of Love 2 was over, I started getting drowsy. so I put the beads up, made HER come into my room. She laid on the bed and fronted like she was going to bed all peaceful and shit.

I dozed off. I woke up a few minutes later to a blood curdling scream! I jumped up instantly like a mother lion ready to defend her young. She was sitting by my beads screaming.

The cat was in there too, so I figured he done it because last time they fought they tore my room, phone book and a throw pillow up.

"Dammit Mischa! What the hell did you do to her?!" I screamed at the cat. He looked at me with huge eyes, which I am sure he was.

"What's wrong?" I ask her.

She points to her nose. "It's a ball." she says. she is sniffling and i notice she has snotnose. Maybe she's got sinus problems or something. So i make her lay down. She jumps up like I threw her underwater.

"It's a ball in my nose!" she screams at me. I instantly go into panic mode. I turn on the lamp, light and look up her nostril. I don't see anything. I stick my finger up there and don't feel anything, of course it don't fit far. all the while Mischa is looking at us like he wants to call 911.

"IT'S THERE!" she screams at me.

Now on top of my panic I am getting pissed at the nerve of this 3 year old child who thinks she can tell me what to do.

"Dammit, Justice jaida, WHAT is there?" I ask her

"A BALL!!" she screams. I inspect her button nose, all I see is sort of a scratch on the outside.

"Did Mischa do that?" I ask about the scratch. She looks at Mischa like she is thinking, "Shall I get him in trouble."

Then I realize she stuffed something up her nose. I holer at one of the boys to come help. That is my panic modus operandi. If the oldest boys isn't available in emergencies I then move down the line until there is no one left but me.

Ty was sleep.

"JALEN!" He comes running over.


There is something up her nose. "Jalen grabs her, with me and Mischa watching and plugs one side of her nose. Tells her to blow.

She blows a big shiny 8mm bead out of her nose with snot.

"Eww." Jalen says and goes back to his video game.

So alas more drama from my daughter, cat, and me to end the year.

Happy New Year Everbody.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Google Ads

I had my Google ads for the better part of this blog which has been a year. First I had one, then I realized it was not getting me anywhere.
So I took the plunge and got TWO google ads on the saide there.
Now as for this being my ONLY retirement plan, I am rethinking it and think it was not a good retirement plan.
After almost a year on blogger not one person has ever clicked the damn ads.
I guess I can count out the timeshare in Florida with mimosas for breakfast while some stoned guy sings me some Jimmy Buffett.
No Cheeseburger in Paradise or Margaritaville.
I guess i better either add a third one or re think the retirement plan. It looks liek Google Adsense won't have me rollin like Jay-Z.

The Balloon

Random Writing Challenge #10

The girl drove through the snowstorm.

"Oh God please help me through this." she prayed to herself. Her children in the back seat were raising hell. The oldest in the passenger seat looked sad.

They don't even know, she thought, that I have never driven in snow before. Cars were passing her and flying through it. But she knew she had to do it.

It was her step-dad's funeral. She had missed the two night wake because she couldn't deal with death. Or thought she couldn't. Why do people have to die, why can't we all just live forever and be happy, she thought. It was only 6 days ago that her little brother and sister woke her up and informed her that their father died of a heart attack. She went to their moms house and immediately sat up with her all night....drinking coffee and talking of what had happened.

"It was right there, her mom said, he was lying right there when the paramedics came." She pointed to the spot on the floor with her toe. "That was just earlier tonight and now he is gone". Everyone sat around queitly soaking in each other's grief, that night.

The girl thought of how he had raised her and her brother, never doubting or calling them STEP children. She thought of his attempt to teach them to drive. How she almost killed them way back then when she almost led them over an embankment. How she wanted to narc on her brother and tell them he only knew how to drive because he stole the van everytime they went out to eat.

She smiled as the snow turned slushy on the windshield. He would never believe I am driving through the snow just for him. The road had hills and turns and snow, just what a paranoid freak driver like me needs. I must be cool, she thought, my kids don't even know I am shaking in side.

She saw the turn ahead to the gym where his funeral was. She pulled in the first spot that was available and grabbed her kids hands.

Deep breath. I can do this. She walked through the doors. Of course, as soon as she saw him, she broke down. Little brothers and sisters were by her side instantly. Somehow she got through to the burial.

Eleven children he left behind, and I am the oldest. she thought...and the weakest.

As he was being buried and the drum group was singing, a balloon broke free from a bouquet and made its way up into the cold snowy sky.

Her mom told her "He is telling us that it is ok, now. He left with his people because he knows we will be ok."

And just for the moment the whole world entertwined....and the girl knew everything was gonna be alright.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

um...Hi's me

I don't even know if you can see that up there. That's MapLoco, which my friend from 360 rippa introduced me to. It's not like the BuddyMap some of you signed on the bottom to let me know you read me, this one let's me know who has been reading no matter what.
Here is what it said today.

Location Time
Rapid City, SD, United States Sat, 29 Dec 2007 09:53:54 -0600
Hot Springs, SD, United States Sat, 29 Dec 2007 07:14:45 -0600
Delhi, India Sat, 29 Dec 2007 05:19:41 -0600
Miami, FL, United States Sat, 29 Dec 2007 05:18:50 -0600
, Germany Sat, 29 Dec 2007 04:33:15 -0600
Stuttgart, Germany Sat, 29 Dec 2007 02:02:32 -0600
Spring Arbor, MI, United States Sat, 29 Dec 2007 00:40:21 -0600
Pierre, SD, United States Fri, 28 Dec 2007 21:17:22 -0600
Omaha, NE, United States Fri, 28 Dec 2007 20:03:47 -0600
Cincinnati, OH, United States Fri, 28 Dec 2007 19:29:51 -0600
Hobbs, NM, United States Fri, 28 Dec 2007 18:40:35 -0600
San Antonio, TX, United States Fri, 28 Dec 2007 16:38:18 -0600
Lexington, SC, United States Fri, 28 Dec 2007 16:19:08 -0600
Wayne, IL, United States Fri, 28 Dec 2007 13:04:32 -0600
I pretty much know that Hot Springs, SD is my aunt because I know she reads and for some reason it pops up Hot Springs. (Hi aunty)
I know my boy Jase pops up as being in Custer, SD. I don't know why Jase, but it does. I can figure that somewhere in Texas is a high school friend Emily a/k/a Baby because she told me she reads but she is too "bucky" to comment. Just teasing baby. nobody put's Baby in the corner.
Germany without a town I figure is Sarah, the most wonderful, beautiful 25 year old bitch on Earth who I would give my kidney to if it was worth 2 euros.
Hobbs, NM is Josie, who turned into a little blogging mistress herself.
Seattle is Lauri, the only Red sox fan I love besides Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and Jimmy Fallon.
Miami is Lionel, the coolest cat on Earth....whassup Sucka?
Minnesota is usually my brother if the illiterate fool can find his way here. And sometimes it is Jaida my little sister who is finally done being a teenager but still too young to drink...haha. Happy birthday woman!
Tehran, Iran is my dear friend Cyrus whom I have known for quite a while....and sometimes it is my step-dad Behshid.
Oh...and Angie up in the northwest, I see you sometimes...Hi!
Anyways, other than that I don't really know who else reads. On Multiply it is wonderful because you can see everyone who visits.
Not that I am a page hit whore or anything. Nor do I care about comments because if I did i probably wouldn't even blog here and would strictly stay at Multiply.
I started this blog almost a year ago for the readers of my column to get to know me on a more personal level, and some of them know me more than that but still want to read my crazy family.
Tomorrow will be a year since I started my column. My editor picked one of my most defiant, controversial entries to start me off with a bang and piss off bible thumpers and science guys. I didn't mean to piss anyone I did but it was only because I get pissed sometimes.
Sometimes I want to be more of the real me in my column, then I think maybe I should write more about issues affecting Indian country today, then I think but sometimes I want people to know more about life here, for real.
I am not perfect, nor am I even a perfectionist. I am not full blood or a saint. I am overweight (not for long) and need an extreme make-over.
I like to laugh, have fun, have a beer, watch sports and romantic comedies, cook, cuss, and care.
I have 4 bad ass kids who are my heart and life, one fat cat and I am for real.
sometimes I can show people who read the column that I DO care about issues that face our people, and sometimes I can just show them me...for who I am.
Thanks for reading, even after a year.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Alone Time

*pic bit from yahoo image search*

I seriously need some.....alone time.

I know it will take me about 40 minutes to get lonely but I need to give the house a thorough cleaning and relax. (wished I had some merlot.)

I need to not have more than 2 or 3 tv's going at once for at least 24 hours and I need to not hear cartoon voices...EVER AGAIN!

I talked with the boys' dad and he is willing to take all 4 of them to po dunk where he lives. I just have to get them up there today. He is willing to take Justice too because she is best friends with his daughter.

IF this plan goes through there will be some heavy LWI action tonight, if not I will be fighting over the modem. If you hear sirens, don't panic.

Otherwise, I think I had a dreamless night last night or maybe because my daughter snuck and got up while I was sleeping, she sleeps with me because I don't like her sneaking around. Anyway I woke up and she is laying next to me with BALL POINT PEN designs all over her face, arms, chest,...she looks like one of those warriors from New Zealand. Mori, or however you spell it.

So we will see how this "alone time" works out. It might not.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Do dreams mean anything?

I had a dream last night...a couple of them.

I dream every night. They are always so vivid and detailed, but sometimes I wonder if that is because that is how I live my life. I remember things in detail.

Anyway in this dream I was a one of those political booth things and it was someone I didn't like. I took about 200 round blue stickers from this person, with their name and '08 on the stickers. I then went on to a hotel room I was staying it that had many floors and was all glass. I went out ont he balcony and proceeded to place these stickers on the glass. I was spelling the word SLANT across the window. I don't know why but I think it had something to do with the candidate.

I saw the person in the next room watching me on their balcony so I asked them if I could use their window too and they shook their head and walked away.

It was then I realized I was out of stickers, so I left my room and the person I had talked to earlier had left their room too, they were slightly ahead of me in the stairwell. He turned slightly and I noticed who it was. His hair was longer but it was my husband.

"Hey wait!" I said

He turned and smiled at me "I was wondering when you was gonna see me." he said.

"Where are you going?" I asked

I followed him into the crowd and then I was at the same booth, I stopped to get my stickers and watched him walk away.

I later was at my friend Ron's house on his laptop when I saw that my husband was online via

I hit chat and we started talking.

"Why did you leave?"-me

"I had to"-him

"I never told you to, I just said come back when you are sober"-me

"I am still your husband, I didn't get the divorce."-him

"Are you coming back ever?" -me

"I don't think so, but I am still your husband."-him

Then I signed off and I asked Ron to borrow $75.00 to pay for my divorce. At the end of my dream Ron and I were going to the ATM to get the money.

That was the end of my dream, it was so strange because I hadn't thought of him in a long time. I don't know what it means, except maybe I do need to pay for the divorce and quit waiting for him too. I won't be online so much because my kids got an adapter to play Madden online via PS2 which also means I can't sign on as much, thats ok though I need to bead.

Sometimes I have bad dreams that I can't wake up from and I wonder if that is what hell is like. I would think so.

Sometimes I have good dreams I don't want to wake up from, or i try to "Get back" by going back to sleep.

Anyway I don't even know why I typed that whole dream out, maybe because it was bugging me all day.

See you all later.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

no place like home

*pic by my sisYesterday my friend Bobby took me out to Sharp's corner to pick up a Western Union from my mom and some presents from my dad. It was a relatively quiet trip for both of us who always seem to talk non stop. We turned around at Sharps and went up Goose Neck Road to my dad's. The sun was starting it's downward descent in the west. It made me realize I forgot my camera.

After filling Bobby's trunk with presents we started home, both of us a little more talkative. Then we got quiet again south of Porcupine Butte. the reason I became quiet again was because as the sun dipped more towards the horizon, the more brilliant the colors became. It's not like I haven't seen a million sunsets but this one was different.

This is why. When I left the reservation at age 18, I pretty much thought there was no turning back. Nope, I am going to go where there are more opportunities for my children and I. That is how I used to think. I lived in different cities across a tri-state area, the largest being St. Paul, Minnesota. I used to look at the skyscrapers and traffic in amazement. This is where it's at and where I need to be, is how i thought. I wanted my children to learn about other cultures, see other things. I wanted them to see more of the world than just the reservation. I wanted them to be more diversified, all the while I struggled to live in St. Paul.

When I made the decision to move home was when I had my daughter and realized nobody ever got to see her. My kids loved coming home to the rez, but they hardly knew their family and culture. While I was out trying to make them live and learn amongst other cultures, they were growing up without theirs.

I thought of this as I watched the sun go down while driving on the hills between Wounded Knee and Pine Ridge. The clouds were dark purple around the sun and the sun was a brilliant red as it stood on the western edge of the Earth. It looked as if the sun lit the whole horizon on fire and as the clouds hung further in the air they became different shades of sunset. It was a beautiful Christmas Eve Sunset.

As we neared into Pine Ridge I saw the trail of two jets. One was headed east and one was headed west. I have no idea where they were going, who was on them, who was going where for Christmas or how long it had been since the pilot had watched a sunset. I did know one thing, that directly below them in the vast openness of the prairie, that at that moment, Pine Ridge Reservation was the most beautiful place in the world. A place where my children will know who they are and where they came from.

The sun was down by the time we reached my house, even though there were mud puddles everywhere and dirty snow, I knew I was home and I was indeed grateful. That thought alone made for a wonderful Christmas this year.

Thursday, December 20, 2007



I have since I was 4 and my grandpa would brew it in a percolator. I always remember the smell getting to me when he would open the can.

I remember my grandma saying "You're gonna stunt her growth!"

My grandpa saying "Bullshit, she will be fine!"

So because of my gramps I now am 5 foot 2. But I never stopped drinking coffee, any kind, any flavor but mostly black. Thank god there is a coffee house in this town so I can treat myself to a cappicino or espresso once in awhile.

So my son Jalen LOVES coffee. Always has since he was 4. Yesterday when we had their birthday cake, his dad was over for their birthday dinner, which I made him cook....and he freaked about my son drinking coffee.

I was like, "He's alright."

"He's not an old man!"

"What do you mean? You have to be old to drink and appreciate coffee? You're stupid."

He said "No. But you are gonna stunt his growth."

"Thats an old wives tale, he's taller than me."

And I sat and enjoyed coffee and cake with my son.

Now I have to go as I drink coffee number 4.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Office Pros and Cons

OK, I so stole this blog idea from my blog brother.

Does anyone remember that blog he did with his cell phone and pictures of his co workers and the pros and cons of them! OMG! i thought that was one of the funniest blogs ever, WHO DOES THAT???

My mom was reading it behind my back and cracking up. she was like "WHAT IF THEY SEE THIS?"

But since Ned works at Dunder Mifflin Paper straight from NBC's The Office, I thought I would show you a typical day in the life of me and those who take up the air in my office.

(Which BTW I must say it won't last for long because MAMA GOT THE JOB!!!! I start after New Years! OMG I AM SO HAPPY!)

But anyway since I am leaving the self employed life behind and joining the retail biz as the assistant manager to the gift shop and museum, here are the everyday distractions in my everyday life.

dana 092

First off, Mischa or A/K/A Big Meesh.

I am not exactly sure of his job but he is annoying as hell.

Pros-purrs, loves to love, has a foot fetish.

Cons- Purrs, rubs up on anyone and everyone when hungry, clearly did not go to sexual harassment training since he clearly has a foot fetish. dana 097

Ty Ty the do it all Guy

Pros-He is soft spoken, teddy bearish, bad ass tackle and can cook.

Cons-Camera shy, and um that's about it...oh except he enjoys farting around me. dana 109

Jalen a/k/a Mayhem

Pros-He does dishes, he has the best sense of humor and he kicks ass at fantasy football. Cons-He pulls practical jokes and pranks, usually on me, he farts around me, he is mean to his co workers, he can't sweep. dana 111 Stephon the sweetie.

Pros-Deep voice like Barry white, eager to please as long as it is not cleaning, likes to laugh. Cons-TEMPER! Mean, eats more than everyone put together, farts around me, don't like to clean, mama's boy.

The Princess of Good dana 017

Pros-She CAN be sweet, she is super cute, she loves to paint nails, walls, and everything.

The Princess of Evil dana 082

Cons-Screams at the top of her lungs, fights every male species in the household, plays the pity card, loves sugar.

And last but not least,


The peeps

Pros-The best group of people that even scientists couldn't group together as in best sense of humor and a bunch of heart rolled up in one.

Cons-They are so cool I get distracted, one always smells like skillet, and some of them fart around me.

So there is my office pros and cons. Man I wished Ned's blog didn't get ganked by Yahoo....his was the best.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The showdown has come down to this. After 15 weeks of wonderful fantasy football there is a showdown. showdown

Between my helpless, soon to be 14 year old son Jalen from The Prairie, some of you might call David. As you can see there is not an evil bone in his body....look at his cute little stocking cap. Awww. Picture 088

Here is is facing off with someone whom some of you may call Goliath. Big Bad Ned from the East Coast....Yes that guys. *looks down and shudders* PIX_%238

So here is the deal, this is "supposedly" Ned's first year playing fantasy football. This is Jalen's third, the only thing between Jalen and next years commish job is Ned. He could be the youngest commisioner in fantasy football history EVAR!

Will Ned let the innocence of youth pass him by?

Will Jalen fold under the pressure?

Only time will tell and if Jessica Simsons will stay her ass away from football fields.

As you can see this is clearly a personal conflict for me. I leave off with this message from my sweet little son, who's birthday is tomorrow. dana 118

Monday, December 17, 2007

My Christmas Column~To Be Loved

The power of love is a good thing. No matter how many times in your life you think you may be alone, there is someone , somewhere that loves you.
I once knew a girl who thought she was all alone in this world. I don't have children, I don't have a man, I feel as if I will be alone for the rest of my life. I will never know what love is.
You don't need all that to feel love. I mean I love my children and probably whoever my man was at the time, despite how shiny he was...but all you need is a heart to feel love.
The power of love is the beauty of it.
Any appreciation in your life is love. You can feel the love of fine art, sunsets, puppies, sports, or food. Sadly the love of food interferes with your health, I know this and wished I wasn't such a damn good cook.
shane in fog
The love of who you are and yourself maybe the most important love you ever learn. It took me a long time to love myself for who I am. Who I am being me, as a mother, person, and Lakota.
There is no other person I would rather be in this world right now than the woman I grew up to be and will grow up to be, (except maybe I would weigh less.)
To be able to convey all the love I have in the world in writing and thought is a beautiful thing.
So next time you feel as if you are not loved, remember there is a whole beautiful world with beautiful people out there that you can love,appreciate,and love you back.
Much love to all my brothers and sisters, as we are separated for Christmas this year, love to my mom and dad, grandpas and grandmas, friends and my 4 wonderful children. (I am so full of love right now, it's OK that you broke my favorite lampshade, for now.)
Merry Christmas to everyone, thanks for reading, and thanks for letting me know you read.
636040340_bef1984b72_o All pictures by my sister Jaida.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

A Glimpse of the rez

I started this blog so many times and something always happened.

Maybe i am not supposed to show you how shit is here.

but ANYWAYS...

Here was my little selling trip last week.

*some photos have been digitally enhanced because I suck at photography.

Walking out my house to the right. 1213north

to the left, to the left, to the left... 1213outdadoor

so halfway to the trading post I take these pics. 1213bus

that pic up there was for Mame..she likes broke down cars...well, there is a bus!

Here is what I made last week. 1213hat1

that is one side of the hat, here is the other 1213hat

1876 is the year Custer went down with an arrow in his butt and the two flags are his and his calvary's. So here is the road out to my land and my family's on my dad's side...Gooseneck Road


Here is looking off my grandma's porch...i had to go pick up a quilt she made for my daughter 1213fromgramsporch

My dad's house 1213dadshouse

So onto the trading post. Here are a few pictures from the inside and outside of the trading post.

Almost there1213rosies Singing Horse1213outofsinginghorse

Now to the inside of the trading post, which is owned by Rosie, who is from Germany. 1213keyas1213shell1213set1213sinew and sequins1213weddinggobs1213firepolish1213dcs1213beads1213barrettes1213dolls

After that we left. From the trading post you can see forever. So here is a pic of a community in between where I live and the trading post called Manderson. I played with the color a little bit and I must say, Manderson never looked better. 1213manderhousing1213manderpo1213manderville

So there was a little glimpse of my rez. I will post more later. *phew* that was a process and just for you.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

What The Hell is wrong here?


I was in bed, couldn't sleep, and I have to sell some beadwork tomorrow for a bill.

So I get up to start beading, Anderson Cooper is on, whom I love, BUT all the news is just depressing.

Candidates accusing each other of things that they are all doing. People shooting each other and even shooting kids getting off the bus. Cheese and Rice if you want to talk about something in your campaign, what about gun control. but everyone is so scared to talk about that even despite all the recent shootings. Not that I am one to talk about it. I hate guns, but my daddy and my brother are very pro guns.

I just can't believe with all the shootings nobody wants to take it on. The NRA is like the damn mob and has people scared. instead the candidates want to talk about who's mowing who's lawn. Seriously if you have kids, that is who should be mowing your lawn.

Next I see that our country is lying about waterboarding as a form of torture. I never even heard of it until last night. I watched it happen to some guy on CNN. It's a form of torture used to get people to tell all, and it's called torture everywhere Because the CIA destroyed tapes over the years of waterboarding.

Scary how a country can just do stuff like that and then say no comment.

Oh well, on the good side of things, my interview went so good yesterday. I sure the hell hope I get the job which won't start until after New Years. I should know by next week if I get the job or not. The pay is so good for around here....and actually if i get the job, it would be the most I ever made anywhere, except bartending and counting tips. The benefits include health, retirement, tuitition (if one chooses,) and free lunch everyday. It sounds like a dream to me.

I think I just better not watch CNN for a bit, because it bummed me out.


It's so easy to blog....for real.

Sometimes you get stuck with thinking What shall I blog about?" and get bloggers block.

But when you blog, you can blog about anything. For real.

You can blog about simple everyday life and know someone on your friends list will read it and maybe comment.

But a column is different. It's like you have to be supa blogger at least once a week and hope that people will like what you wrote. Sometimes they don't.

Sometimes they email me and piss me off, sayin shit like "Who do you think you are? or "You're not really Lakota. You don't even know what it means to be Lakota.

Tit for Tat, blah blah blah...I don't let it bug me, anymore.

It has been almost a year since I have been a columnist, it don't pay peanuts, just maybe buys me time on some bills sometimes.

But I wouldn't trrade it for anything in the world. I like having a voice for my people, especially when I get email from Lakota's all over the world that say "Keep it Up. Keep telling it like it is." Or when people come up to me and say I like reading you. Just rnadom people i don't know or someone in my family.

I appreciate those who read and appreciate what I have to say, even if it is just about my every day life or my kids or my family dysfunction or my insane thoughts.

Thanks to everyone who does read me once a week...or to those who read me everyday on my blog. It means alot to me.


Monday, December 10, 2007

Striving to be Violence Free.

There is a sign on the side of the road on the way to Kyle. I think some class from the school or something put it up. I'm not sure. This is nothing against anyone that put the sign up but I smile when I pass it. It says proudly in school colors.
"Striving To Be Violence Free."
I thought it was funny the first time I saw it. When the two reporters from The Observer Magazine were here, because when they saw it, the photographer hit the brakes and took pictures of the sign. All kinds of pictures of the sign. My uncle was like "What is he taking pictures of?" I said "That sign."
He was like "Why?"
I was like "Read it, it's funny."
He read it and laughed. The sarcastic Jerry Seinfeld or Amiotte or Lone Elk humor came out in me, I was like "Is it that hard to be violence free? I mean are the people that put this sign up trying hard not to run back and kick it. For real, what's wrong with Striving For Excellence or Striving for Hope or why not Striving to Be Non Violent."

So that sign this week made me think of my kids and their heroes, plus my friend Ron was giving me ideas of what to write about last week over football.

I have two sons, ages 13 and 14.
They have the same birthday, so next week they will be 14 and 15, 6 days before Christmas.

I am and have always been the custodial parent, being there on holidays and birthdays. I was there for every ER room visit, stitches, flu's, colds, scraped knees, Christmas parties, Halloween costumes, ...every trial and tribulation in their life. even when I made their Halloween costumes that they didn't want to wear.

I was there for the good, the bad and the ugly. Even the ugly that caused me to leave their father.

I watched and still watch my boys grow into men, watch them in amazement that I carried their precious souls in my womb for 9 months. I made them with their father, but even more important I made them into the men they are today.

Today they are taller than me, look down their noses at me and try to smack talk. Yet, I know and they know they have so much respect for me, sometimes I feel the tears coming thinking of how good they are.

They could be out being hoods, but that are so goal oriented in the name of sports, they don't care to be little hoods. They must strive to be violence free, I guess.
So I am mildly disappointed when their sports heroes are jail bound. Well one, Jalen's hero, Michal Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison. I bought him posters and shirts of Vick and now he is going to prison. My son still has faith in the fact that he will come back to his glory in the NFL.

Barry Bonds pleaded Not Guilty for perjury the other day, so he isn't for sure jail bound, but still, he is my oldest boy's hero and has been since my son was age 6. I slightly tease them about the fact that their heroes are hoods. But I try not to rub it in.

It's hard to see my kids so loving sports that they behave themselves in the hopes of playing at the next level, only to have their heroes jail bound.

If only they didn't grow up and start liking teams different than mine and grew opinions. If only they were Yankee and Vikings fans they would not have had heroes on their way to jail.

I remember when my sons first made a Myspace page, I made one too so I can keep an eye on them. I went to my oldest boy's page and under the category My Heroes there was a picture of me. I even got a little tear in my eye. So in writing this column, I go to see if I am still under that category on his page, only to find out I have been replaced by Derrick Brooks.

Oh well, at least he's free.

So even though I think that the sign on the side of the road is funny, maybe we really all are Striving To Be Violence Free, even the rich and famous, and the sarcastic and poor.
BTW, even though they told me not to do it, Happy Birthday to Ty and Jalen Dixon, future heroes of the Pine Ridge Thorpe Football Team. You make mama proud. Look for the picture in the happy ads

Right about now...

*funks little brother*


Right about now, I am going to be up front and honest.

I am still married.  I just realized I do still love that little bastard that is my husband.  Some of you I told privately that it was over and why.  That shit was over before it started...and you know what?

I don't give a fuck...people will talk...they will say shit...they will say well I KNEW this and THAT.  OR they will act like, well wtf was you thinking?  Or condescend on me like I am an 18 year old bride that never knew a thing or two about a thing or three and cared more for the color of her bridemaid's dresses than she did about her total happiness.

You know wha,t I wasn't thinking...I was feeling.

I went with my cold, brittle, fuckin, heart and that is where it took me...back to his ass.

The reason I never told anybody except a select few that are allowed into my heart and life is because I don't want to get preached to.  For real.  And then even some that I did tell were like "Oh I knew it wouldn't last because you guys moved too fast."  or "You can't ignite an old flame."  or "I was gonna ask you WHAT THE FUCK was you thinking when you married him?"

You know what...he made me happy.

He did.

We got along good...there are issues that got in the way.

I won't apologize or feel sorry because that motherfucker is out of my life.

I have no regrets about it all. 

It was a great marriage for the twenty bucks that he paid for us to get married.  And at 35, I am still married to one of my high school sweethearts...I can at least say I got married in this lifetime , even if for a moment.

I don't regret anything, except the fact that he is a stupid motherfucker that never knew what he could have had for the rest of his life.


Today was the first time that I did miss him, and his singing...I still do.  Butt fuck it all.

Life goes on...


So I got married this year, what the hell did you do?

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Insomniac Theater

For the first time ever blogged.....Insomniac Theater


Justice as Evil Child 1

Stephon as Evil Child 2

Mischa the cat as Big Black Meesh

Throw Pillow as Cousin It

Me as Insomniac Maniac

Featuring Johnny Depp as The Jack Sparrow Pillowcase

About six weeks before my precious princess was born I suffered insomnia. I didn't know why, didn't tell the doctor because I didn't think sleeping pills were good for the knocked up. I denied it all six weeks, and when I went into labor she decided to wait 20 some hours to make her appearance, including through the night....she plopped out at 4:45 am.

I wasn't ready to push when they called the doctor and told him I wouldn't sleep or stop bitching, so he told them to give me a sleeping pill so HE could get a few more shut eye.

So after six weeks of insomnia and one sleeping pill before midnight, I slept through a ton of painful contractions....until the pain was too intense. At 3:30 am my doctor showed up looking pissed off. I was pissed off too. There was no way in life I could pull off giving birth after a sleeping pill. I even fell asleep in between pushes. At least I was too tired to call anyone bitches. After i had her, the next night I asked for another sleeping pill they took my baby to the nursery sometime during the best 7 hours of sleep I ever had.

Now for the past three nights, I have been suffering it again. I denied it the first two nights. And i am still not sure if I have it yet, or if it is just the evil spawn that surrounds me. I have everyone in bed early, which is like almost ten. I am not tired, so I bead and bead and am kicking out finished products left and right...

Scene 1- Evil Child 2 comes running in my room at midnight and jumps in bed with me. He sleeps at the foot am at the head of the bed, which is ok because I am still beading...and watching the Brad Pitt/Larry King interview for the second time. That Brad Pitt is a god, I tellya.

Scene Two-Evil Child One comes running in my room at 40mph crying. She jumps in by Evil Child Two and immediately strikes a pose like she is hanging on a cross therefore taking up most of the bed. I now have 1/4 of the bed, it is 3 am and I am still not tired. I bead some more.

Scene Three-I turn the heat down because it is too hot or I am beading like a slave...i check to see if anyone posted a blog in luck Rippa did and he always has some good shit to say, i comment, lethargically. Black Black Meesh comes in my room sniffs the evil spawn and jumps off the bed.

Scene 4-4:30am my eyes are too tired to keep beading so I lay put the beads in the night stand and turn off the 100 watt lamp. I am now watching the Larry King/Brad Pitt interview for the 3rd time and listening to updates of the poor pimpled snot who shot Xmas shoppers in Omaha because Mickey D's fired him.

Scene 5-Immediately upon laying down my Evil Child Number 1 rolls up to me in an alligator roll and she is hot. She is like a heater herself as soon as she gets close enough to burn me she stops rolling and throws arms out over me as if to trap me. As soon as this is done Evil Child 2 lays diagonal so one leg is over my ankles as if they are pinning me down. Being that I am laying the wrong way on a full size bed, I feel chlausterphobic and jump up taking many deep breaths.

Scene 6-I decide to sleep in their room. I have exactly one and a half hours until that alarm goes off at 6:30. I go to my sons bed instead of Evil Child One's bed because there are too many toys on her lower bunk. I lay down on the Pirates of The Caribbean pillowcase and the throw pillow that is unraveling, a hand me down from the Evil Empress known as my mother. Oh the most comfy and handsome pillows in the house. Johnny Depp and Cousin It pillows. Big Black Meesh jumps up to sleep by me, purring.

Scene 7-My back itches where I can't reach it and I can't stop thinking about it. I jump up and look for something all over the house to reach it. My only relief after finding things that are too short or dull is a spatula. (Dollar Store Mental Note-Buy back scratcher)

Scene 8-I lay back down on my son's bed...Meesh is pissed but resumes purring. As soon as I get comfy with Johnny Depp and Cousin It after tossing and turning and Meesh screaming at me, my eyes are slowly closing. then I hear sirens, getting closer. I sniff, no fire here. My eyes are starting to close...I am fading. I look up at the empty top bunk and the Lochness Monster is up there. WTF! My eyes open wide. What is that? Go to SLEEP I tell myself, you are seeing things. I close my eyes again and think of the snake in The Jungle Book...ssssssssssssssssssssleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.



As soon as I step into dream land with Johnny Depp and the Lochness Monster chasing us, the alarm in my room goes off. I wake up the kids look on the top bunk, there is NOTHING there. As soon as they catch that bus, I am sleep in two seconds. So now here I am on two hours of sleep.

The End

I am going to go bead till I crash. Tomorrow I go selling shit.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007


I wanted to get out and sell beadwork today, but Friday is a better day for all involved. So when I do I will take you to where I go, who I sell to and crap like that.

Today is parent teacher thingys and I am just going to continue to bead like the wind. I will however re-post a hometown challenge I entered last year.

I called mine

"Where The Streets Have No Name"

Because our streets really don't have names.

A little bit of history, Pine Ridge is the main town on the reservation, kind of like the capitol. Long time ago it is where the people gathered and camped when they were handed out rations, since they were not supposed to hunt. Back then, it was called "Wakpamni" which means handouts. Now there are 9 districts on the over two million acres. Most of this land in not suitable for farming and there is also an old bombing range from World War II in which unexploded bombs are still being removed and have contaminated the soil and ground water.

I promise better pictures when I get out and about on Friday. I am too anti-social right now.

Where the streets have no names-360 repost

Well I correctly titled this, because in my hometown....not one street has a name. County Road 18 or Hwy 18 whatever, runs through it. Pine Ridge, South Dakota.


Despite the fact that some people still, we don't live in Tipi's anymore. I never really been in one except at museums or my dad's for a ceremony. When most of us camp, we use tents. Although I guess this is my hometown....way back, when first forced on reservations. Isn't that cool, it was sooo clean!

There is "cluster housing" which have names like Northridge housing (my ol' stompin grounds,) Eastridge Housing, Old Crazy Horse Housing, and New Crazy Horse Housing. Then there is the hospital housing and old hospital housing. This is the housing set aside for doctor's, nurse's, and other hospital employee's. Which is run by the government. Truly the best housing in town. We also have Baker's Hill and CC yards, which are mostly inhabited by BIA employees. The school, (which is a government school) has housing for it's employee's. So because there are no places to rent, I am on the waiting list for "cluster housing." (Just read that, am here now in good ol Northridge, my ol and current stomping grounds.)Which I don't care where it is at this point but I have my finger's crossed for any of the Crazy Horse housing projects. The other 2 neighborhoods have gotten bad over the years. I have no pics of the housing, but I guess you can see them if you watch the movie "Skins" which is based on a novel by Adrian Louis, who live 4 houses from my mama. (When she lived in Po Dunk)


Now let me show you around. Forgive my photo's they are from the Web. Here is our post office which also houses a couple of tribal offices, the cable company and the unemployment office. In the back is the town hall I spoke of in a previous blog called Billy Mills Hall. He was a gold medal winner from my hometown in the 60's. This is where we had the celebration of our state champ game. Mostly all that happens here are funerals or wakes. Next to this is Taco John's and behind that is the only grocery store, which is owned by some company from California. You can actually buy 2 12 packs of soda there for $11.00. They jack all the prices up.


Right directly across from there is the Catholic Church, Sacred Heart. Been there for funerals and wakes and to church once. When I was a kid they used to let you rollerskate there for a quarter. FUN!


Here is the high school I went to, they tore it down...after finding asbestos in it. NICE! and built the one below. Lucky Bastages!



This is our new hospital, which I don't know when it was built. I came home one year and it was there. There is some wonderful artwork there. But honestly even for an appointment expect to wait for 4 hours or more. Everyone and their mama is there at any time of the month. Which is why I try to only go for childbirth. Although none of my kid's were born here. So that won't be happening anytime soon!


You can find scenes like this.....and this. At any given time on the rez. When cars die, they just stay where they are....and the beauty is everywhere if you look. Won't be too hard, it is the second largest rez in America. You may be approached in your car and asked for spare change, or to buy bead or quillwork. You can see the vendors set up tents and sell their goods from other towns. Like gypsy's (Jeff that part of the book reminded me of my hometown.) Either way you will leave learning about a part of America that you thought didn't exist anymore. And you will leave knowing we are still a proud people. Other movies including my stompin grounds include "Incident at Oglala", "Lakota Woman", and "Thunderheart."

Bye are now leaving where the streets have no names....I love that song btw.