Thursday, December 6, 2007

Insomniac Theater

For the first time ever blogged.....Insomniac Theater

starring

Justice as Evil Child 1

Stephon as Evil Child 2

Mischa the cat as Big Black Meesh

Throw Pillow as Cousin It

Me as Insomniac Maniac

Featuring Johnny Depp as The Jack Sparrow Pillowcase

About six weeks before my precious princess was born I suffered insomnia. I didn't know why, didn't tell the doctor because I didn't think sleeping pills were good for the knocked up. I denied it all six weeks, and when I went into labor she decided to wait 20 some hours to make her appearance, including through the night....she plopped out at 4:45 am.

I wasn't ready to push when they called the doctor and told him I wouldn't sleep or stop bitching, so he told them to give me a sleeping pill so HE could get a few more shut eye.

So after six weeks of insomnia and one sleeping pill before midnight, I slept through a ton of painful contractions....until the pain was too intense. At 3:30 am my doctor showed up looking pissed off. I was pissed off too. There was no way in life I could pull off giving birth after a sleeping pill. I even fell asleep in between pushes. At least I was too tired to call anyone bitches. After i had her, the next night I asked for another sleeping pill they took my baby to the nursery sometime during the best 7 hours of sleep I ever had.

Now for the past three nights, I have been suffering it again. I denied it the first two nights. And i am still not sure if I have it yet, or if it is just the evil spawn that surrounds me. I have everyone in bed early, which is like almost ten. I am not tired, so I bead and bead and am kicking out finished products left and right...

Scene 1- Evil Child 2 comes running in my room at midnight and jumps in bed with me. He sleeps at the foot am at the head of the bed, which is ok because I am still beading...and watching the Brad Pitt/Larry King interview for the second time. That Brad Pitt is a god, I tellya.

Scene Two-Evil Child One comes running in my room at 40mph crying. She jumps in by Evil Child Two and immediately strikes a pose like she is hanging on a cross therefore taking up most of the bed. I now have 1/4 of the bed, it is 3 am and I am still not tired. I bead some more.

Scene Three-I turn the heat down because it is too hot or I am beading like a slave...i check to see if anyone posted a blog in luck Rippa did and he always has some good shit to say, i comment, lethargically. Black Black Meesh comes in my room sniffs the evil spawn and jumps off the bed.

Scene 4-4:30am my eyes are too tired to keep beading so I lay put the beads in the night stand and turn off the 100 watt lamp. I am now watching the Larry King/Brad Pitt interview for the 3rd time and listening to updates of the poor pimpled snot who shot Xmas shoppers in Omaha because Mickey D's fired him.

Scene 5-Immediately upon laying down my Evil Child Number 1 rolls up to me in an alligator roll and she is hot. She is like a heater herself as soon as she gets close enough to burn me she stops rolling and throws arms out over me as if to trap me. As soon as this is done Evil Child 2 lays diagonal so one leg is over my ankles as if they are pinning me down. Being that I am laying the wrong way on a full size bed, I feel chlausterphobic and jump up taking many deep breaths.

Scene 6-I decide to sleep in their room. I have exactly one and a half hours until that alarm goes off at 6:30. I go to my sons bed instead of Evil Child One's bed because there are too many toys on her lower bunk. I lay down on the Pirates of The Caribbean pillowcase and the throw pillow that is unraveling, a hand me down from the Evil Empress known as my mother. Oh the most comfy and handsome pillows in the house. Johnny Depp and Cousin It pillows. Big Black Meesh jumps up to sleep by me, purring.

Scene 7-My back itches where I can't reach it and I can't stop thinking about it. I jump up and look for something all over the house to reach it. My only relief after finding things that are too short or dull is a spatula. (Dollar Store Mental Note-Buy back scratcher)

Scene 8-I lay back down on my son's bed...Meesh is pissed but resumes purring. As soon as I get comfy with Johnny Depp and Cousin It after tossing and turning and Meesh screaming at me, my eyes are slowly closing. then I hear sirens, getting closer. I sniff, no fire here. My eyes are starting to close...I am fading. I look up at the empty top bunk and the Lochness Monster is up there. WTF! My eyes open wide. What is that? Go to SLEEP I tell myself, you are seeing things. I close my eyes again and think of the snake in The Jungle Book...ssssssssssssssssssssleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Finale-

BEEP BEEP BEEP

As soon as I step into dream land with Johnny Depp and the Lochness Monster chasing us, the alarm in my room goes off. I wake up the kids look on the top bunk, there is NOTHING there. As soon as they catch that bus, I am sleep in two seconds. So now here I am on two hours of sleep.

The End

I am going to go bead till I crash. Tomorrow I go selling shit.

2 comments:

ed said...

I can totally relate, I stay up late... sometimes beading, other times doing homework, I stayed up until 4 am working on a final term paper, fun stuff.. got it proofread and am going to turn it in this evening. wish me luck I am going to turn it in this evening. -ed

Dana Dane said...

Ed you shouold give me your email