Monday, December 10, 2007

Right about now...

*funks little brother*


Right about now, I am going to be up front and honest.

I am still married.  I just realized I do still love that little bastard that is my husband.  Some of you I told privately that it was over and why.  That shit was over before it started...and you know what?

I don't give a fuck...people will talk...they will say shit...they will say well I KNEW this and THAT.  OR they will act like, well wtf was you thinking?  Or condescend on me like I am an 18 year old bride that never knew a thing or two about a thing or three and cared more for the color of her bridemaid's dresses than she did about her total happiness.

You know wha,t I wasn't thinking...I was feeling.

I went with my cold, brittle, fuckin, heart and that is where it took me...back to his ass.

The reason I never told anybody except a select few that are allowed into my heart and life is because I don't want to get preached to.  For real.  And then even some that I did tell were like "Oh I knew it wouldn't last because you guys moved too fast."  or "You can't ignite an old flame."  or "I was gonna ask you WHAT THE FUCK was you thinking when you married him?"

You know what...he made me happy.

He did.

We got along good...there are issues that got in the way.

I won't apologize or feel sorry because that motherfucker is out of my life.

I have no regrets about it all. 

It was a great marriage for the twenty bucks that he paid for us to get married.  And at 35, I am still married to one of my high school sweethearts...I can at least say I got married in this lifetime , even if for a moment.

I don't regret anything, except the fact that he is a stupid motherfucker that never knew what he could have had for the rest of his life.


Today was the first time that I did miss him, and his singing...I still do.  Butt fuck it all.

Life goes on...


So I got married this year, what the hell did you do?


Josie Two Shoes said...

Well, I got unmarried this year. And I still miss him, just as sometimes you still miss yours. I am glad that he's out of my life, and I am angry with him for not loving me enough, but still I miss him. Love is a matter of the heart, it's irrational and that's ok.

Alissa said...

Right on. I understand keeping your privacy, but doesn't it feel liberating to just get it out there? I'm glad that you had your love and romance, and for however long it was before your issues got in the way, you were truly blissfully happy. Most people would do anything to experience that at least once before they die. There's no shame in loving someone, even if you can't be with them. Anyone who would judge you for this, isn't someone worth being in that inner circle. People who love and support you, aren't here to judge but accept, just the way you are.

Getting off soapbox --->

Alissa said...

Well I hit the wrong button and didn't preview my comment, hopefully it wasn't too bad and sappy, or full of typo's...

Anonymous said...

did you say "Butt Fuck"? LMAO!! - Jase :P

Dana Dane said...

you know it lol