Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Giant Chasing Us

"Run!!" he hollers at me from the other side of the plum trees. "I hear him coming!"

I listen and hear the footsteps in the dry weeds. I get out of my hiding spot by the cherry tree and run after my little brother.

"He's right behind us." I try to whisper as I run up beside him. Our two dogs are going crazy with fear, running with us and crying. "Which way shall we go?"

Travis was two years younger than me, but always the decision maker. I was huffing and puffing but too scared to stop.

"Let's go for the underpass, under the highway,as long as we make it there." He says.

Behind us we could hear the giant getting closer and closer. I scream and run faster. Travis falls. I have to run back and help him up.

"Just go." he says with a look of fear in his eyes. I don't look back, I just want to get my brother. We know our destination is the row of cottonwood trees. Knowing on the other side of those we are safe.
"Just get up," I tell him "He's gonna get you!!" I grab his hand and together we take off towards the cottonwoods.

I could hear the giant half breathing and half growling. Hungry for little Indians kids.

We make it to the old cottonwood with friendly branches. We give each other a knowing look and climb up so far even the giant can't reach us. When we get to the top and catch our breath, I look at Travis.

He already is staring off in the distance like he is bored.

"What shall we play now?" I ask him.

"I dunno, it's your turn to pick." he says.

*'Twas the days before internet and video games.

Monday, April 28, 2008

A Good Day To Be A Lakota

Everyday is a good day to be a Lakota.

But sometimes in life there are those days when you think...hell yeah, I am a Lakota.

Certain events, people, and places make you feel this way.

Let me give you some examples.

Last week a group of people came into the store. They were from another tribe, in another state, and they went crazy. You know why?

Because they seen the artwork we sell. The Lakota artwork is like no other. You should have seen how this group went crazy. They had me running around the store like crazy, they didn't even look at price tags. They just knew the work was beautiful, well made, and gorgeous. I look for that when I purchase arts and crafts. I know people need the money and that is the main reason, but when you see the heart they put into their work, you can feel that pride.

That day, like everyday we sell artwork, I was proud of my people and proud to be Lakota.

Last Saturday my friend Ron and I went to Rapid to watch Ringwars 24. There was quite a few Lakotas fighting in it and themain event featured a young guy from the reservation. Everyone already knows who Dave "Bulldawg" Michaud is. I watched him win State in wrestling last year on KOLC.

I knew I was in for a night of fun, but I had no idea how much.

We started out watching the fights. The Civic Center was clearly divided,most white cheering for the white fighter and most Inidans cheering for their people. In this day and age, I was thinking "For real? It's still like this?" Then I remembered, "Oh yeah, this IS Rapid City." I semi grew up in Rapid, and tried to live there as an adult, but I refuse to stay in a city where you are detested for being who you are. I knew that back when I was in first grade, and the only Indian in my class at Robbinsdale Elementary and this kid named Greg used to call me a "dirty Indian" even though he was the one that smelled. I knew that when I struggled there working hard, and was passed for a promotion by my boss for a blond haired, blue eyed girl from Idaho whose only job experience was working at Kentucky Fried Chicken. She use to come ask em, what she was doing. I worked two jobs in Rapid, supporting my kids, and we was always behind. I felt hopeless and believed one of my bosses at the time, when she dubbed it "Rip-off City."

"You can never get ahead here," she told me. "You will always struggle. And to make it worse, you're Lakota, for some reason this city don't like your people, no matter what you do for them."

I left back in 2000. I appreciated the column Dave Rooks wrote about how anything pertaining to Lakota people published on the Jopurnal's website gets maimed and torn to shreds. It's the truth, as much as we try to fit in, as much as we live and work amongst people in Rapid, they will never accept us. There is always a divide there.

So last Saturday when Dave "Bulldawg" Michaud took that belt from the champ, and he walked around the ring with that Oglala Sioux Tribal flag, I swelled with pride. This young boy is representing our people, and he is so proud.

Hell yeah, it was a good day to be a Lakota.


Pilamayan Bulldawg, you represent your people with your heart. Pilamayan to the artists that represent us in their work with their heart.

You make us proud.

To be Lakota.

What a weekend

I had a blast.

R and I went to the fights Saturday. The Lakota fighters represented....afterwards we hit the bars and then our room. It was kinda cool because we walked all over. We caught a cab to the fights and back but we walked from club to club and I never laughed so hard in my life.

I got back into town yesterday and picked up my little cousin Paco on the way. he's at my house now. He is my double cousin...weird and a cool little shit.

I was complaining in my blog about how my son pushes me away. We had a mother son bonding yetserday. I was telling my sons about the fights and how proud they would be of the Lakota boys that fought. So Jalen says, now I suppose you think you're tough becuase you went to the fights. I was like...no I already knew that before. So he was like let's go then. So we squared off and got in a wicked tap fight. It was fun, we wwere both laughing and fighting at the same time. I caught one upside the head and I saw the look of pure evil in his eye, i thought....he still loves his mama and I cuffed him upside the head.


Saturday, April 26, 2008

It was always me and my boys

I try hard to try and understand where they are coming from. I have a devil and an angel.

I hate to say that but it has been true since they were babies.....I showed a picture to one person at work back when I was in my 20's and they were babies. You're older one looks like a pure angel and the younger one has the devil in his eye. I was like wow, you can get all that from their eyes?

It was true from the minute of birth I think.

Ty is fifteen, he was born on December nineteenth of 92. I struggled in labor because he was myu first. I panicked,went up to early, was hardly dialated. I was induced after thirteen hours of labor and not dialating. Which was harsh, the contractions were hard after that. I remember thinking...I....am....never....doing....this....again.

Then he was born with the most beautiful eyes and quietest cry. All I had to do to makehim quit crying was hold him and talk to him. Even when he was put under the lights with shades on for jaundice, I just said his name "Tigerman" and he would immediately quit crying. He was born 5 weeks earlyand had to stay in the hospital for an extra week for his lungs. Oh the late night drives everytime his nurse called for his feeding.

When Ty turned a year old, I wanted to make a big deal. Not realizing I was nesting. I made his little cake the night before, put his number one candle on it and laid down after preparing for his little party. I had a dream I was in labor. I woke up at ten thirty at night because I was in labor. We hurried out and had a relative watch Ty. We lived in Minnesota then and it was COLD. WAIT...I told my ex, I grabbed the camera and doubled over with a contraction. You want a picture of you in labor? he asked No f*cker, take it of the cake I won't be here. He took it of the cake and we rushed out. Jalen's labor went quickly...sonner than anything they said push. But I had a hard time (he has a big head.) I remember the doctor bein an ass and saying I was too young to have two kids in a year and I should quit now because something about money. I think he thought I was a "per cap" Indian, back then in the town we lived in parents used to get their kids monthly payments. He didn'trealize we was from a poor tribe. I told hime to shut the f*ck up and deliver my baby. Jalen came out with a fury...took a dump right after, as soon as the nurse was putting a diaper on him. He roared. He has my eyes but looks like his dad. He was my heaviest kid to date and the skinniest today,he was 8 pounds and thirteen oz.

I look back at the pictures now and remember them at that age. Ty always shy and reserved, Jalen always loud and funny. Ty always close by his parents, Jalen always saying Ty let go over here. Back then something as simple as driving over a bridge got them excited....they would scream at each other "Ty Ty Look...or Jay JAy look....My SEE The WATER. They had both parents back then, saw alot of fighting though, alot of tears and they grew to be who they are today.

I grew up with those two boys,often walking with me to the store and helping carry groceries home, where ever we lived. It was always us surviving with the younger ones...they were always there for me.

I know how I was as a teenager. I was horribly mean to my mom,blamed her for everything. Ty don't do that, he helps me when he can, asks me if I need anything and he's my rock. Jalen is more opinionated, blames me for everything, and isn't scared to tell me anything.

He has been pushing me away lately, acting like I don't do enough for him, like because I have a job I should buy him this and that. When I don't, he is pissed and shuts me out of his world. When I give them money and their dad takes them to town to shop, he acts like his dad did it all. I wanna shake the shit out of him sometimes and say DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS ME?? But I don't. The last time I whipped them was when they threw an egg at Big Larry's house and the cops came and it cost me 88 dollars....almost two Halloweens ago.

I finally worked out visitation arrangements with their dad, but not child support. I can't keep them from him, I know that...and I can't make that loser pay, everyone actslike it is so easy. Not on the reservation, this is breeding grounds for dead beat dads...for a mom who isn't on welfare to get child support she has to hire a lawyer and go through tribal court, who will then send out a summons and then IF paternity is established, there will be a court order for child support. Which in the end means "bullshit"...you spent money on a lawyer for nothing.(I might seriously write about that for the paper)

So I gave up. I don't need anything from him anyway....for our three boys.

I just miss the closeness I shared with my boys, especially Jalen and hope this is just a "teen age" thing.....but I know in my heart...they are growing up, and I have to get used to it.

Sooner or Later.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Friday Five-Before I die

I don't even know who does this

or if I am allowed

So I am sneaking

because I am sly.....shhh

I will make it

simple, short, and sweet....the latter two are me lol.

1. Yankee Stadium...looks like I won't make it this year and will have to see the new one. But they are still the Yanks and it is still gonna be my final resting spot.

2. Mardis Gras- or at least to go to New Orleans

3. Write a book

4. See my kids find what they are looking for.

5. Retire comfy with a cat and a dog.

pic by my sister

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Double Scoop Repost for Lionel

I think I was hoping Lionel would have seen this blog back in the day, but since he didn't here is the deal. Some of us were in a blog contest and we voted each other out. Out of our "alliance" Ant made it all the way and lost. He played smart and promised many women many things.

But he lost.

Some of us didn't use our power of veto or POV tickets shown to the left. We were idiots.

Anyway this was what was listed on the back of unused ticket.

So...I don't know if you all know but the losers of Big Brother are in jury duty right now. Ant and Sweet Marie are hidden off in some green room with cocktails.

So we all did a private voting...then

Kennedy shook our hand and for those of us idiots who didn't use our POV's he handed us the coupon above.

Here is what is listed on the back of it.

Dear Loser,

You may choose only ONE of the following in exchange for your stupidity of NOT using your POV and thinking you were that great.

-2 Frequent Flyer Miles.

-A quick "Stab'em and Slab'em" service package from Old Snake Eye's Hitman and Funeral Home Service.

-10% off of all swimwear from Britney's Bikini's for Big Girls.

-Free pair of Rose Colored Glasses from the Bush Administration.

-1 free small cup o' chino from Starbucks...served by Chino himself.

-1 free weekend private eye package from The New England Patriots.

-1 Free Get Out Of Jail Free card from Lindsay Lohan's reps.

-1 Free Marriage to a prophet on the beautiful Arizona-Utah border, if 18 or over you may not choose this.

-1 Free adventure of his choice with millionaire/adventurist Steve Fosset...when he is found.

-Lifetime supply of toys from Mattel along with monthly check ups for lead poisoning, small embedded parts and so on.

-Ringside seats for the next Tommy Lee/Kid Rock brawl. (Support your white on white crime)

-Air guitar lessons.

-A poem written to you, especially for you from our own Jorge Dubya aka Pretty MoFo aka Poetic Knight

-Footrub from Tiff.

*Any and all sales of this ticket will void all of the above.

So anyway looks like I have a choice to make...what would you choose?

So the second blog was titled


Needless to say...

I chose the rose colored glasses. (from the Bush Administration, they had extra pairs laying around from all the people that have been getting up and walking lately as to not stain their hands...or whatnot.)

Have you ever had a pair?

I am thinking a little over half the country must have a pair of rose colored glasses.

I mean how else could Bush Jr. get in...TWICE!

I am telling you...get your pair of rose colored glasses TODAY!

Then you will see...why we are at war.

Well...ok maybe you won't see why, but you sure as hell will see the good in it. For real, it was ALL about 9/11.

Despite the fact that no Iraqi's took out the twin towers...or hi-jacked any of them planes...or even the fact that 15 of the 19 were Saudi's, whom OUR President (who looks so good in rose colored glasses) rubs elbows with at world leader ho downs and what not.

The fact that Iraq is worse off today than they were before we attacked them doesn't show in these rose colored glasses. I am not talking about the senseless deaths of thousands of civilians...because that's "collateral damage" in these glasses. Right? I just meant the fact that now there are more without electricity and plumbing than there was before this war.


Get yourself a pair today!

But hey...these glasses justify it all! You can even see WMD's in these glasses. And the gas prices...I mean heck I can get a whole 3 gallons for 10 bucks...well almost 3 gallons.

In these glasses Britney Spears IS news and the reservation I live on is beautiful and prosperous.

Pelosi is my hero. Gloria Allred is not nerve racking. The Red Sox don't suck that much. ProActiv commercials don't suck, bloggers are not judgemental, and I can buy canned tomato sauce in the same aisle as the diced tomatoes.

In these glasses...the economy is great and the fact that I was laid off is OK. after all, I live in America and they DO care if I am unemployed...right?

If you could see what I see...you would want a pair yourself.

I can't see my ever populating silver hair, there is no sag in my boobs, no poochy in my gut, no wrinkle in the middle of my forehead...and Harrison Ford is still HOT HOT HOT!

*Taking the glasses off*

9/11 was a horrible experience to have to witness and experience in our lifetime.

Don't take anything I say for being Non patriotic...this is My Country as well as it was my ancestors who fought long and hard for it, as many of my people still do today in the war...like a cheerleader from HS who is on her 2nd tour of duty. I'm just sayin...when I talk about the evils done to my people, don't ever tell me to "FORGET it...it's the past."

Because I would NEVER say that about 9/11. You can NEVER forget being attacked, like that. Especially when it is on your own soil.

Generations from now...it won't be forgotten.

How much you wanna bet?

*puts glasses back on and sings like Aretha*

*note-this was writtin last year in September, as you all know the economy is in much better shape now and the price of gas is down. ;)

Picture Perfect-Safe

I live on the Pine Ridge reservation in South Dakota. So what if we have horrible statistics and low life expectancy rates. I am home and I see the beauty and I am safe.

Goin on in my life

  • I am switching back to the left for my political party just so I can vote in the SD primary, we might actually matter this year.
  • Yesterday was an awesome thunderstorm and sunset. The lightning was above the sun, looked like a scene out of LOTR.
  • Diet is going good, water water water....and I went for a muddy walk this morning. It was cold, and I was thinking *F*CK I should skip today. Then, I just thought of this 80 yr old Rose lady I knew in Minnesota that walked in blizzards even, because she survived cancer and loved her daily walks.
  • I'm going Saturday to Ring Wars in the nearest city with my best friend R, it's UFC style fighting and we are staying the night to go out on the town. *Diet in mind*
  • Since waking before the sun, I feel more energetic.
  • I had to be a hard ass at work yesterday and almost feel guilty about it....almost. But hey I have rules vendors have to follow.
  • I reposted my Indian Taco recipe for that sassy redhead from Oklahoma. Check it out in the recipe section. I am also working on proposing a pilot for food network called "Bitchslapped in The Kitchen."
  • btw that pic os of my sister Jonna by my sister Jaida,they are in Oklahoma now...here's a link to her photostream...holler at her, she is awesome.

Have a good day....it's Thursday for cripes sake.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Casinos don't benefit me shit.

Someone commented on one of Rippa's blogs about how us Native Americans (Indians) are lucky we have casinos, that all their people got was addictions.

I wasn't offended, I see the point they want to make. We do have a casino. It's called Prairie Wind Casino and here is the link.

It started from 3 double wides back in 1994. I really didn't live here back then, so I can't tell you the history but I am sure it is in the link.

I lived amongst a tribe who gets a ton of money per month per member, just for being Indian.

I worked for them, at their casino, for their tribe, and I sold them beadwork. I made friends there and still have friends there.

Some of my friends from there have passed on. Some are paralyzed, they were young and had money and lived too fast. Some weren't even from that tribe but died young by association or by just plain youthful ignorance. I feel lucky that my brother, though he hung around them never got caught up in the same tragedies.

He used his head.

Being from the second poorest county in the United States with staggering statistics that compare to Haiti doesn't mean we escaped any kind of "living life too fast" lifestyle.

I have friends that are long gone from here too...I am sure everyone does.

The casino here doesn't kick back any money back to the people. If they do, I don't know where it goes. Tribal politics to me is the same as it was when I left. Same group of people getting in and staying for two years to not really make any changes.

If I ran for tribal president, I wouldn't hire any relatives, give everyone a block of cheese, public transportation, (because this rez is larger than Deleware and Rhode Island combined) make alcohol legal, (use that money for treatment programs), use the casino money for education, start a recycling program, make long term jailers pick trash, and give every household two puppies for wahanpi.

Up early...goin for a walk

Yesterday was a roller coaster of non-emotions. I didn't let myself feel anything. Then thought "Was I supposed to cry just now?"

"Was I supposed to go off on a rampage?"

The after thought of every incident pissed me off.

I went to bed early after talkin to my best friend all night while he was at work. Then my daughter's dad called because he wants to bemore a part of her life. So I talked to him and told me to call me later.

What a strange day yesterday, like all the losers in my life bobbed to the surface, as if trying me. Seeing how much I can handle emotionally. I did good, being stoic, quiet, and mean.

Is that who I am now?

Almost as if I will never be that sweet, caring emotional person I am. Is that over?

I never thought I would grow to be mean, like my grandma. I always wondered why she was so mean, especially when it came to men. Maybe they screwed with her heart so much, she had no choice. Maybe she was at one time,sweet and caring.

I remember one time my mom had this boyfriend who got on his knees in front of her as they were breaking up, and gave her a knife. "Just kill me, if I can't have you I want to die."

"You f*ckin drama queen, I will cut your head off, now get the hell out of my house." She told him and he left.

I thought she was so mean, but I could see myself saying something like that yesterday.

I really used to be a sweet girl.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Biggest Loser

So tomorrow 8 people (including me) from the school I work at are starting this intense 6 week diet challenging other schools here on the reservation. There is a fee to get in and after it's winning team takes all.

The money is a bonus because diebetes is rampant here and the idea is to get healthy.

Wish me luck and willpower.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Future Miss America...um...not.

She is soo beautiful, the most gorgeous girl I know.

Someone said enter her in a pretty baby contest when she was little. Get her in that circuit. I was like...um...no.

Look at how beautiful she is and to try to put her on that circuit with flippers, hairspray coated, 5 layers of make up and take away what she already has...hell no.

Make her think all she has is beauty when you can see it coming from within her anyway. She glows with beauty.

Have her grow up to say she wants world peace and not know what the hell it means. Sponsor a charity for the sake of having a charity and not really really believing in a cause.

No, she is my beauty queen. She has beauty on the inside as well as out and that is what is important.

Beautiful daughter.


Friday, April 18, 2008

Storytelling goes on

Of course I wasn't born long ago, but I hear the stories my dad tells me. Elders tell me, even in my job I like to hear their stories.

Sometimes things I say or write get misconstrued as me crying around, I don't mean to sound like that. but when you see people suffer with diabetes, (which is an epidemic here and my belief is from years of hunting and catching food and harvesting was taken away and processed foods were given out.) many people here don't have electricity, water, plumbing, children dying the list goes on. I sometimes want to grab the government around the neck and shake the hell out of them by saying, "WE DON'T NEED HANDOUTS, WE NEED DEVELOPMENT!!" There are poor in this country too.

But who am I to shake anyone up but an ex.

My people weren't always like this. At one time they were the richest people in the world with happiness. They were able to roam between Nebraska and Montana freely as the seasons changed and follow the buffalo. Nomadic: that was the way of life that made them happy. The Black Hills were sacred. They knew the gold was there, but it was never used because it was also sacred. The day the government broke their treaty and took the Black Hills away is a day that still saddens my people today.

They never took the ways of my people though, the religion lasted in basements and hidden way out in the middle of nowhere because it was banned and sought after by the FBI. The arts stayed with us. The language still survives, barely. And the storytelling survives....old legends and new stories.

I will now add an old story here....(excerpted from the book Legends of The Mighty Sioux)

An Indian woman is sitting in the moonlight and sewing with porcupine quills. Near her the fire burns brightly and over the fire a kettle of herbs is boiling for medicine. by her side sits a dog that watches her. Every once in awhile she rises, lays down her work, and stirs the herbs. While she is doing this the dog unravels her work.

This has been going on for thousands of years. As fast as the Indian woman sews, the dog unravels. If she should ever complete her work the world will come to an end right at that instant. So says the legend.

The first time I heard that story was from an elderly lady named Mary Louise Defender. i told that story to my children last night.

May our ways always go on.

Oki can sica ogna un tipi. Unlakotapi. Lel wanna un hepi.

We are living in hard times. We are Lakota. We are here now.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Eye doctors make me sleepy

I went to the eye doctor today in my new to me car with my two stuck in the middle kids for our exams, which are usually in June but insurance kicked in and it has been 5 years or more since I had contacts....and I need them.

So we arrived in the very air conditioned place, it's like 55 degrees out, we don't need ac.

I have been wearing glasses since I was in 5th grade. For some reason eye doctors make me sooo tired.

"Better one, better two" over and over in his Mr. Rogers voice. I started second guessing, like...is he testing me. What if I sayone is better and he does the same one and then I say two...like he wants to see if I am a liar.

I was like concentrating hard on other things too, so he had to do the whole better one, better two thing over and over before I would realize he was waiting for an answer. I was trying to hard to not fart, wondering if I had a boog blowing out of my nose, or trying to ignore that the inside of my ear itched.

Better one, better two, better one better two....donk. My forehead hit the top pf the big touristy looking goggles. I realized I was concentrating so hard and his voice was so soft, I kinda dozed off.

So when he fitted me with the contacts I was scared they wouldn't work...but happy to say I drove home fine.....at fifteen miles an hour.

So yeah, I have contacts now.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

one hand in my pocket

(debs did a blog that made me think tonight)

i like to think for the most part i am a good person yet not innocent

i like to think i have a blackened heart of gold.

i talk shit and don't know what i am saying

imma good mom but not the best

i'm smart and don't know shit

i write and can't properly write a sentence

i cuss but have a halo *over my horns*

i like the way this fog feels but will be happy to quit taking these pills

i am proud of my culture,heritage, etc but sick of feeling seperate

i want world peace but know it will never ever happen

i'm happy to be single but want love

i'm a mean sweetheart

i'm a great wife...estranged

i love my family....from afar

i don't really know who i am

and my bathtub faucet leaks

Walking Lakota

*pic by my sis

Some other tribes don't like us. Even other Lakota tribes or Sioux tribes. I don't know why, I have no problems at all with them, even if they use white beans on thier indian tacos or make their bread different or bead with two needles.

But I had other people say stuff to me while living away. Some not even realizing I was from Pine Ridge at all. I once remarked to a girl who worked for me, about how many other people shopin the town we lived in. She said "Thank god we live to far for people from Pine Ridge to shop here. Those f*ckers are crazy."

I gave her a messed up look because I didn't know if she was seirious or joking. When she saw the look on my face she kind of got a worried look and said "I was just teasing."

I laughed with her but noticed she didn't hang with me at lunch anymore.

In the same town another lady knocked on my door and asked if I knew a lady that lived in the same hood. I told her I just moved there. She said "Me too. I am from so and so reservation. Where are you from?"

"Pine Ridge." I said

"Oh ok" she backed away. I was like WHAT THE HELL is up? My dad says it is because of our fearless ancestors.

Then I realized it was the same old thing as other reservations in other states. People hear that I am from Pine Ridge and assume I am mean, brave, tough, crazy etc.

I don't think I am. One time I was with this crazy chick who talked to trees and plants and stuff (Don't ask, she was a friend I inherited from my mom and my kids got a kick out of her goofiness.) I told her I saw a mouse on her dashboard, now granted she might have had mice living in her car. But she said that was my spirit animal, that is why I saw it.

"Why do you say that?" I asked her and wondered if she talked to the trees like that too.

"Because you are like a mouse. You are brave and tough even if you don't feel like it. did you ever see a mouse give up, even when it is trapped in a cat's mouth? Or find a way out of a corner?"

I thought that was a cool explaination, even though many of you know I am terrified of mice.

My tribe has a rep, whether it is good or bad, I don't know. I guess I Walk Lakota, even though I have my phobias.

Like my uncle said to the reporters last year when he was asked if he felt like the reputation we carried as Lakota was deserved;

"No, it was earned."

Bad ass Lakota.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

only if you never...no assumed names


I do.

I love the retail business. I love meeting people. I love helping people out. I love showing people that I had it in me all this time.

When I was unemployed, I always wished for a job where I could prove who I am. When my dad tells me that he hears good things about me in the community, it tickles me pink.

I could give a rats ass what anyone thinks of me anyway, but it's good when people see you for who you REALLY are and not who you want them to think you are. Not that I ever did that, well I did in my younger days when I was stupid.

But now I am all like smart and shit...lol.

Monday, April 14, 2008

The Blog without a name

This blog has no name because I don't know what to write about. My writing has been so sporadic anymore. Of course, I am busy with work and such. But my column went for two weeks without me...lol.

My mentor told me "Writing a weekly column is easy, you sit in front of the computer and sweat blood."

It does get to be overwhelming at times, thinking of something to write about.

I visit with family and friends over issues that matter or don't matter to me and that's who inspires me. My friend Ron, my dad, my mom, my uncle Jerry, my brothers and sisters. Most of what I write comes from them, and somehow I get the credit for it. I am thankful I know so many cool people that helped me for the year and a half writing my column.

I am thankful for everyone I met via internet....first on Yahoo and then here. Sometimes people say about my friends list. But yeah do you really know these people? I admit, I wouldn't know some if they stood up in my soup, but I do KNOW you all. If it wasn't for such a cool friends list, I wouldn't have felt I could actually attempt to do a column. I remember when I first started blogging on 360, I was like my only reader...lol. Then my friends Ron and Jase. Then my family. It just built from there.

In december of 2005 I was at a convention for my job and there was a free psychic reading there from a lady by the name of Anna B. My friend and I decided to give it a try together, I wanted someone to be with me because psychics kind of scare me, I didn't want her to tell me I was doomed or something.. She gave like free 5 minute reading although mine was actually like 3 and a half minutes and I couldn't demand my money back since it was free.

This is what she said "You like to write, don't you" I nodded and she said "You just started writing and reaching out to people. Keep it up because someday that writing will get you places. You will be known for it and for making a difference for your people. I see you writng a book someday....not now, but maybe when you're like 40. You also had a traumatic childhood."

She threw that last sentence in there as a bonus, I think. It must have been so traumatizing that I don't remember, but anyway everything else she said was good and came true. I have four years left to write a book, though.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say thanks for tthe inspiration.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Simplicity at it's best

*pics by my sis*

Sometimes the simplest things in life can get to me.

I get all caught up in the emotions of how sacred each and every day is.

This morning over coffee, my aunt asked me what those birds are in my lawn.

"Mourning doves" I said.

"Do they always hang out here?"

"Yeah" I said "Every since I moved here a year and a half ago." I watched them chase each other around, as if flirting.

"Are they a couple?" She watched them smiling as they chased each other.

"I'm pretty sure they are." I told her, as an after thought I added "I think they're gay too."

"How do you know that?" she asked

"Look how good they get along, if that was a man and woman on this reservation, they would half kill each other by now." We both laughed and went back to our coffee.

I started thinking about the first time I saw those birds, I thought how cool it was for them to hang out in my yard. Sometimes I hear them sing to each other across the street at Narcisse Rabbit's house. Most of the times, they are at Andrew's house next door, since he has the most trees. But I think of how many hoodlums live here in the ghetto and those birds survived. All the cats we all have and they don't bother those birds.

I think of how I get up in the morning and peek out the door to catch a cool breathe of air and those birds are either singiong or flirting. It gives me the slightest, simplest hope that that day will be a good day. I never knew this that whole time I lived here, until today.

A pair of mourning doves makes me feel good to be alive on the reservation, each and every day.

The following is a poem I wrote back in September of 2005, since you know April is Poetry Month.

Mourning Dove

I heard the cry

Of a mourning dove

Announcing an early rise

I awoke alone

To a dawn so cold

I await with weary eyes

for Her Majesty to arrive

The darkness of the vast sky

Begins to fade

The stars dim

Colors apply

With strokes of a cloudy brush

Framing Mother Earth

Alone I await

For the warmth.



Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Workin IT




Like.for.real. Not.the.column.thatpays.peanuts.but.a.real.job.





Or.steal.toilet.paper.from.the.library. That.was.in.podunk.though.















My Tatt Story

(repost from 360 with comments)

Honest it's there. It looks like this--> : . I tell people it's the sun, the moon and a star from far, far, far, far, far, far,far away. I am debating whether to tell the story because I can call it old school, or ghetto, or hardcore, or streetwise...but it was just plain dumb. This girl in school we called Kool-Aid had some India ink in Home Ec. class one day. Now we called her Kool-Aid because she looked like the kool-aid pitcher, even shaped like him. Funny she thought it was a kool hip-hop like name. Boy, I hope she don't have a blog on 360....I don't want her busting through my wall ready to tango. Anyway she had some ink and all these girls were giving themselves tattoos. Then they started teasing me that I was scared....and yeah I drew a heart grabbed a sewing needle and started my tattoo. (I know...I know.....and yes I probably would have jumped off a bridge back then too!) So when I wiped it away all that was left were 3 dots...like this


So yes that is my tatt story that I have been wanting to do for so long.....and no you can't see it. Dammit! I shaved my legs for this????

btw I am thankful that is all that showed up!

PS-Kool-Aid made me do it!

HAHAHAH!!! CUTE!!! Tattoos can mean whatever you want them to. They are dynamic and evolve with you.

Thanks for the laugh!

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 01:36pm (PDT)

ok someone get the magnifying glass is there anything there..... hehehe Hey at least i got to see some skin.... great post....
luv n hugz

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 03:00pm (PDT)

I remember back in school, there were so many kids who were doing that. I'm glad you weren't stuck with something you would regret years later. :)

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 05:15pm (CDT)

LMAO!!!! oh my...you forgot so many more far's when it comes to the sun and moon.....

I can't see anything...geez...that's lil....LMAO...TOO FUNNY

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 06:28pm (EDT)

lol...you can't see it..yet I got scratched by a metal hanger 2 yrs ago and got a huge scar..could call it my tatoo..lmao

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 06:39pm (EDT)

lol... not laughing at u... laughing with u

and laughing at AL

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 04:01pm (PDT)

Damn... I am way out of the loop here.... when was there a roumd of tatoo blogs done? lol

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 06:05pm (CDT)

Thats classic. One day your little princess will copy you, but she will make hers big enough to see, just you wait....;)

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 05:09pm (MDT)

I'm sure in the land of ants..that's like HUGE..

BTW...at first I thought the arrow was the tat...sorry...LOL

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 07:24pm (EDT)

Allum, i was going to say that is a scar.....see my scar? and the arrow duh I just realized what you meant
I am dumb for the past week....my biorhythmns are down...oh Rala help me.
I think the ants laughed at the tatt too.

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 05:37pm (MDT)

Thats like a monster tat......to an ant
I've never bothered either but I have a scar tho wanna see **makes this face** :-| look a C ....well it's kinda like the moon anyway

Wednesday July 26, 2006 - 09:57am (EST)

Yeah, but the point is, you proved you weren't scared. Don't get me wrong...I don't endorse doing stupid things, but you stood up for yourself and showed them who you were. So, right on Ms. Dana!

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 05:59pm (MDT)

That was awesome of you to admit... three dots make the mark. I am so going to remember this one! LOL

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 07:14pm (CDT)

lmao @ Loya

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 09:09pm (EDT)

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Yo D, that's hardcore.

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 10:02pm (EDT)

lol, too funny...like Yardy said, at least you aren't stuck w/ something you'd regret later.

Tuesday July 25, 2006 - 11:06pm (EDT) Remove Comment


Wednesday July 26, 2006 - 01:04am (MDT)

ROFLMAO....OMG Dana this is one of the best blogs....I love it and love reading your blogs! (((Hugs)))

Wednesday July 26, 2006 - 03:30am (EDT)


Wednesday July 26, 2006 - 10:07am (EDT)

LOL Dana! At least it was free!

Wednesday July 26, 2006 - 04:56pm (EDT)

One time I laughed during a very important test, due to peer, um, laughter, haha. :. is a great tat, indeed...

...:. :.
:. :.

Saturday July 21, 2007 - 08:49pm (CDT)

HAHAHHAHAH The things we do as kids! Atleasst you didnt put L O V E across your knuckles!

Saturday July 21, 2007 - 08:54pm (CDT)

Speaking of knuckles, my step-dad got his first wife's name tattooed on his. FRAN So now since my grandmother's name is Fran he says that it really stood for his future Mother in law. LOL

Saturday July 21, 2007 - 09:31pm (CDT)


I forgot, and came back to be a perv and look at your legs. Hey, at least I owned up to it!! Nice partial leggage...

Sunday July 22, 2007 - 07:15pm (CDT)


Thursday August 16, 2007 - 05:50am (PDT)

dana? im back...
i looked it up...
it means "blog kamikaze" in braille.

i fuckin KNEW it...

Thursday August 16, 2007 - 05:52am (PDT)