I think I was hoping Lionel would have seen this blog back in the day, but since he didn't here is the deal. Some of us were in a blog contest and we voted each other out. Out of our "alliance" Ant made it all the way and lost. He played smart and promised many women many things.
But he lost.
Some of us didn't use our power of veto or POV tickets shown to the left. We were idiots.
Anyway this was what was listed on the back of unused ticket.
So...I don't know if you all know but the losers of Big Brother are in jury duty right now. Ant and Sweet Marie are hidden off in some green room with cocktails.
So we all did a private voting...then
Kennedy shook our hand and for those of us idiots who didn't use our POV's he handed us the coupon above.
Here is what is listed on the back of it.
Dear Loser,
You may choose only ONE of the following in exchange for your stupidity of NOT using your POV and thinking you were that great.
-2 Frequent Flyer Miles.
-A quick "Stab'em and Slab'em" service package from Old Snake Eye's Hitman and Funeral Home Service.
-10% off of all swimwear from Britney's Bikini's for Big Girls.
-Free pair of Rose Colored Glasses from the Bush Administration.
-1 free small cup o' chino from Starbucks...served by Chino himself.
-1 free weekend private eye package from The New England Patriots.
-1 Free Get Out Of Jail Free card from Lindsay Lohan's reps.
-1 Free Marriage to a prophet on the beautiful Arizona-Utah border, if 18 or over you may not choose this.
-1 Free adventure of his choice with millionaire/adventurist Steve Fosset...when he is found.
-Lifetime supply of toys from Mattel along with monthly check ups for lead poisoning, small embedded parts and so on.
-Ringside seats for the next Tommy Lee/Kid Rock brawl. (Support your white on white crime)
-Air guitar lessons.
-A poem written to you, especially for you from our own Jorge Dubya aka Pretty MoFo aka Poetic Knight
-Footrub from Tiff.
*Any and all sales of this ticket will void all of the above.
So anyway looks like I have a choice to make...what would you choose?
So the second blog was titled
Needless to say...
I chose the rose colored glasses. (from the Bush Administration, they had extra pairs laying around from all the people that have been getting up and walking lately as to not stain their hands...or whatnot.)Have you ever had a pair?
I am thinking a little over half the country must have a pair of rose colored glasses.
I mean how else could Bush Jr. get in...TWICE!
I am telling you...get your pair of rose colored glasses TODAY!
Then you will see...why we are at war.
Well...ok maybe you won't see why, but you sure as hell will see the good in it. For real, it was ALL about 9/11.
Despite the fact that no Iraqi's took out the twin towers...or hi-jacked any of them planes...or even the fact that 15 of the 19 were Saudi's, whom OUR President (who looks so good in rose colored glasses) rubs elbows with at world leader ho downs and what not.
The fact that Iraq is worse off today than they were before we attacked them doesn't show in these rose colored glasses. I am not talking about the senseless deaths of thousands of civilians...because that's "collateral damage" in these glasses. Right? I just meant the fact that now there are more without electricity and plumbing than there was before this war.
Get yourself a pair today!
But hey...these glasses justify it all! You can even see WMD's in these glasses. And the gas prices...I mean heck I can get a whole 3 gallons for 10 bucks...well almost 3 gallons.
In these glasses Britney Spears IS news and the reservation I live on is beautiful and prosperous.
Pelosi is my hero. Gloria Allred is not nerve racking. The Red Sox don't suck that much. ProActiv commercials don't suck, bloggers are not judgemental, and I can buy canned tomato sauce in the same aisle as the diced tomatoes.
In these glasses...the economy is great and the fact that I was laid off is OK. after all, I live in America and they DO care if I am unemployed...right?
If you could see what I see...you would want a pair yourself.
I can't see my ever populating silver hair, there is no sag in my boobs, no poochy in my gut, no wrinkle in the middle of my forehead...and Harrison Ford is still HOT HOT HOT!
*Taking the glasses off*
9/11 was a horrible experience to have to witness and experience in our lifetime.
Don't take anything I say for being Non patriotic...this is My Country as well as it was my ancestors who fought long and hard for it, as many of my people still do today in the war...like a cheerleader from HS who is on her 2nd tour of duty. I'm just sayin...when I talk about the evils done to my people, don't ever tell me to "FORGET it...it's the past."
Because I would NEVER say that about 9/11. You can NEVER forget being attacked, like that. Especially when it is on your own soil.
Generations from now...it won't be forgotten.
How much you wanna bet?
*puts glasses back on and sings like Aretha*
*note-this was writtin last year in September, as you all know the economy is in much better shape now and the price of gas is down. ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment