Thursday, August 14, 2008

I REALLY do love animals.

I love cats and dogs and whatever.

For real!

I have a pet dog that I named Ned but they re named him Killer. Killer is such a puss, but I really do love him.

See the deal is, about 2 months ago. I ran him over. And I am such a puss, I ran. Because I didn't want to see him die. and I panicked. I knew I was going to be jacked up for murdering my own my kids. So yes, I did a hit and run when I backed out and heard him crying. I went to work and cried all the way there. saying ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod over and over and trying to think of an alibi.

Last I knew he was screaming and rolling around under my bedroom window. I'm a murderer I thought. So I take off from work early that day after keeping a low profile. I realized that Killer was dead and I had to face the consequences, kids. So I walk braveley in the house, go to my room and look out my window.

He was gone.

WTF! Who stole his poor dead body, did the ambulance come get him? I holler at my boys....surely they had to know.

"Guys, I murdered your dog, sorry." I hung my head waiting for the sentencing.

"What you talking about mom, hes eating."


I go look out back where we throw leftovers. He cocks his head to one side and looks at me.

He acts happy to see me, but I know he knows that I hit and ran and did a number on him.

I was so thankful and happy to report that Killer is alive and kicking.

Then the other day, see I love cats. They are the best. But this group of tourists from like, Ohio or something came to the school on a group tour. They come to the reservation all year to "donate" their time, and goodwill to help out all us poverty stricken indians. Anyway, once a week they take time out of painting and repairing the homes of elderly to tour the campus and visit the store. Well that day I was going to lunch right when about 56 or so of them were coming down from the graveyard. So this kid that's like 15 and 6 ft 5 and 300 lbs is carrying this little bitty scrawny kitty.

where did you find that? I ask him.

He came to me right from Chief Red Cloud's grave, he says. I am outside waiting for my man to pick me up for lunch.

Cool, I say. He's holding the kitty and mumbling to it.

Oh bitty kitty, i don't want to leave you.

The fuckin cat is like MEOW PURRRRRR MEOW. Like totally trying to get this guy to take him out of this hellhole rez and back to Ohio. So he puts the cat down and going into the store.

the cats looks at me like he's pissed.

MEOW! he says in the most annoying cat voice.

Go away, I tell him. He stands in front of me. Looking at me. Then he JUMPS onto my legs and digs his claws into my leg. MEOW!

FUCK! I holler back at him. I throw him off me and he does it again. I gently nudge him with my toe to the next tree. Save it for the tourists CAT.

My man pulls up so I get up to go to the car. The fuckin cat chases me and because I AM an animal lover and don't want to run him over next or want him to get run over by another tourist I pick him up and give him a Brett Favre fourth quarter toss into the grass. At the single minute I toss the cat I see the Boy watching from the front of the building. his mouth is hanging open in horror.

Our eyes meet. I can already hear him years away telling his kids how this savage indian chick threw a bitty kitty 50 yards. telling how he survived the wild reservation and saved a bitty kitty.

I jump into the car and say GO!

See I really do love animals, every flea bitten one of them.

Sioux me PETA


Goose Creek Indian Reserve said...


Linda said...

Cats are the ultimate survivors, very cunning and tricky... Bitty Kitty knows his technics will eventually win him a home...
Killer sounds like the ultimate suvivor too...

CarolinaDreamz said...

Hey Dana. I'm so glad to see you blogging over here.

Your humor is priceless. I simply suffer, with allergies, with the semi-humans aka felines that suckered me. *sigh*

Your writing is so creative. Rub some my way.. I need some creativity in blogland.