Ferris Bueller Complex

Bueller....Bueller....Bueller.....Bueller....Bueller...

Main Entry: Fer·ris Bue ller Com·plex

Pronunciation: 'fer-&s- 'bue-llr 'käm-"pleks

Function: noun

(1) : a group of repressed desires and memories that exerts a dominating influence upon the personality usually relating to the sibling rivalry demonstrated in the film "Ferris Bueller's Day Off",1986. (2) : an exaggerated reaction to a subject or situation which can include some or all of the following, sibling rivalry, jealousy, envy, greed, ass kicking, or the fact that some people just get away with everything! Everything!

I have spoken of this before. I have not been officially diagnosed with it yet. I know I have it though. This is hard for me to speak of so bear with me. The movie was released in 1986 and I loved it. Then I started to wonder, why? Yes it was funny, but the similarities were there. I couldn't deny it. I could write a book about this, instead of that dysfunctional drama...I will give you a few examples. Mom, if you are reading this, some of these stories, you may have heard for the first time, so...sorry. Whatever, he still would have charmed his way out of it.

Every school he ever enrolled in the principal hated him, my mom said they were idiots who didn't know how to run a school.

Almost every school I was on student council and honor roll...dam preppie, trav says, everyone laughs. (I laugh now.)

Elementary school awards ceremony:

Dana-Good Citizenship, Outstanding in Reading, Outstanding in Math, Outstanding in Creative Writing, Student of the Year. (not all of them all year long but gradually I built them up...every semester.)

Travis- Good Citizenship, Sunshine Award for Good Behavior (a certificate and a one time deal) My mom still probably has them somewhere in secure storage, bank vault and dusts them off seasonally.

OK those are the comparisons, I have more but I want to give a few examples of our youth that brought on this horrid complex:

*Unlike Ferris, he had a car, which he bought on his own and was well deserved, thats another story. He had a 1970 VW bug, which I had to ride with him to school everyday and be late. The bug was souped up and well if any of you ever rode in one of those from the 7o's, you know how it is. I used to be late for Algebra everyday and my friend Tim would say "what kind of perfume is that regular or unleaded?" EVERYDAY! The one day I didn't ride with him he rolled it, landed on his wheels and drove off the hayfield and on to school. He pulled into the Auto's classroom where all the grease monkeys gathered around and fixed his car, so mom wouldn't know until later. He did this with a broken leg, what I mean is his leg was broke before he rolled his car.

*I had a curfew.

*We once switched chores, I cleaned his living room. Then I got in trouble for thinking he could do dishes and had to do both. He would peek in and laugh at me.

*We once locked ourselves out of the house on a hot summer day. HOT. The only way in was the window, he gave me his pocket knife to cut the screen (apparently we didn't know screens came out of the window) My mom pulled up as I was cutting, I got punished, he pleaded the 5th.

*He used to steal the family truckster (the van) Everytime the folks went to the city to shop. He would joyride around with about 20 hoodlums and pull in minutes before she got back. They never thought to feel the engine and I never told. I know thats kind of weird and protective like Jeannie (Jennifer Grey,) but I wanted him to get caught on his own.

*Our last knock down drag out fight, I literally ended up outside. I kicked him where it matters and got so scared I ran outside. Of course he locked all the doors and windows. Oh and I was barefoot. When my mom gets home and we tell both our versions, "Are you ok Trav?" (Forgot to mention it was wintertime, and I could have gotten frostbite!)

*He used to sneak out the window at night,....my window....with a ladder. Dana was punished again.

Like Jeannie, I used to be attracted to no good, loser hoodlums. (thank god I am over that, though they never looked like Charlie Sheen!)

Like Jeannie, I was spiteful, jealous, and competitive.

Like Jeannie, I probably wouldn't have given him a ride.

Like Jeannie I would have kicked Ed Rooney's ass for my brother (remember that kid Ryan, Trav)

So these are a few of the trials and tribulations that brought on my complex. I have seen others with this complex,....Monica Gellar,....Carol Seaver....sadly they are fictional too. See what this complex does to you. Surely, if they can make a pill for restless legs, they can make one for the Ferris Bueller Complex. (Pfizer?....Pfizer?....Pfixer?)

Love you little brother!

*Disclaimer: Some of the events in the above story may have been altered for entertainment purposes, and/or not to incriminate any of the above.*