Thursday, August 9, 2007

My apologies to Oprah

Oh Oprah...I have criticized you in the past...mainly for giving advice on parenting....when you have no kids.


And marriage...when you are not.


And heartbreak...when you are happy.


And life, dieting, dress, make-up, pets...everything under the moon you know about. Shit, you probably know if a cow really jumped over the moon.


Anyway I apologize for my critique in the past of your life.


I mean...I can't hold it against you that you know EVERYTHING!


I mean...


HELLO!


For real real, if I had a handsome man like yours....why marry him? He ain't goin nowhere.


Not when you have a gaboobazillion dollars.


Shoot it must be easy to tell people how to diet, eat right, and exercise...when you have your own personal chef, personal trainer, and life coach. Can't forget the golden Nikes.


Must be easy to tell people that if you feel good on the inside...you look great....especially when you have your own stylist, hair stylist and make-up artist.


And the way your yappy little pups have their own nanny...can't be much different than kids. Go and tell people how to raise their kids!


Tell us to have self esteem like you. I mean after all your magazine has been going for well over 5 years and not one other person has ever been on the cover....except.................you.


Life has got to be good and easy when you have a gaboobazillion dollars. So go on with your bad self...tell us how to live it to the fullest.


Just can't guarantee I will listen.


Cuz I got like twenty bucks.

5 comments:

Missy A said...

I saw on one of the supermarket magazines (don't buy em just read the covers at the check out) that Oprah only has 5 years to live..don't know if its right or not you know my memory its BAD

If its true she will make more money in the next 5 years than most will see in a liftime

Dorid said...

and now she's touting THE SECRET, which states that if you're right with the universe, the universe will give you everything you want.

The corallary to that, of course, is if you don't have everything you want, you must not be right with the universe.

Way to blame the poor for opression, racism, and illness...

Oprah lost my respect YEARS ago.

Stacy said...

Amen! I have been singing this same song about Oprah (and Martha Stewart) for a long time. My fat arse would be a lot thinner if I didn't have to do the cooking and if I had someone right there kicking my behind every second to keep it moving.

Josie Two Shoes said...

YES.. there's our Dana back, and doing what she does best - pointing out life's insanities and hypocricies and unfairness.

I loved this post - and I agree 100%! Let her come and try a year of living on the rez, without her bank account - let's she how well she handles everything then!

I hope they publish this one!

Alissa said...

*tumble weeds blowin' by*