"A writer is a writer not because she writes well and easily, because she has amazing talent, because everything she does is golden. In my view, a writer is a writer because even when there is no hope, even when nothing you do shows any sign of promise, you keep writing anyway."
That was sent to me by my friend Mike in Maine and I know in my soul I am a writer. I wrote myself through the most turbulent time in my life because that is the only thing that made me feel better, hopeful, and because that is what I do.
Here is a piece I wrote while I was locked up in federal. This was probably October of 2010. 5 months from release, but I didn't have a release date yet.
When I first got my second hand radio, most of the songs made me sad, reminded me of a different time. Reminded me of home, of my mom,of my dad, of my kids, of my brother, of my aunt, of my friends, and of course, of him or whatever. I had to work hard at getting over the fact that I was away from all that I love.
After I got over it, music set me in deep thought, thinking of what to write about now as I walked. Every word meant something. Every phrase a philosophy until I came back to my precious notebook.
I got off work today, took a cold shower, and elected to stay in rather than go to rec. I needed some alone time. I put my headphones on and Louis Armstrong's "It's a Wonderful World" played.
I opened the window through our bars and pulled up the shade. The breeze was blowing and for once didn't smell of the trash pile or pig farm the prison supposedly sat near. I watched all the things out there that Louis sang about: the sky of blue, clouds of white, leaves of green, and all that crap through the bars. I remembered being in county and seeing it but never feeling the fresh air on my face. Feeling that tease of freedom that is right around the corner for me.
This incarceration is not only a slap in the face kick in the ass wake up call. It is also a gift to me.
I am sober.
I can see clearly the second chance at life I was given.
This was my chance to make right, to do what I was destined to do, and to make time and memories for my children.
This is my life.
Louis Armstrong had it right, What a Wonderful World indeed.
I feel it in the breeze through the bars.
Thank you Wakan Tanka.
So that was writing from the inside, have a wonderful day.