When I first started writing I would write with so much passion?
I feel anymore like it's faded. Has it?
I don't know. I guess writing for the newspaper sometimes people tell me I am real. You're for real. They say.
Well of course I can only be me, for reals. But sometimes I wonder where all my passion went. I can't really blame getting married because I am still a radical bitch. I just can't find anything to get fired up about.
Then I started thinking...does that mean I am defeated?
Am I just an indian girl, sitting in her house sipping a beer and plunking away on the keyboard during a thunderstorm? Do I really have anything to say?
Am I defeated as a Lakota because I am drinking a beer?
Am i defeated as a Lakota woman because I do have a man that I love?
Am I defeated as a Lakota woman because I have nothing to be passionate about?
Am I defeated, like they say my people were/are because i live on a reservation. They put us in these boundaries and say we are our own nation when our people roamed from the panhandle of Nebraska to the mountains in Montanta. That was our way of life, our territory.
Now we are our own nation, which is bullshit. The only good thing about this so called soveriegnity is that I can drive my car with expired tags and don't have to cut my grass when a man with a fake cop suit and clipboard comes by to tell me that neighbors are complaining.
I lived outside this reservation.
I came home and it pisses me off how we were so tricked into this. Forced or whatever. Either way, we can never roam freely like we used to. We can never enjoy the land. Nothing pisses me off more than to see a beautiful piece of land and then see a fence with a No Trespassing sign.
Yeah I know, get over it....I know, but you have no idea how much it hurts.
So am I defeated?
I don't think so.
I came home for a reason.
When I know what it is, I will let you know.
Until then I plunk away on this keyboard.