Sunday, March 4, 2007

Chronicles OF A Girl Part I

WARNING: The following blog may contain one or more of the following....irrational thoughts , odd behavior, strange emotions, misplaced judgment, and the f word.

I recieved an email from an old friend yesterday. "Your weblog no longer interests me...sorry." At first I was mildly offended. Then I got what he was getting at. He no longer likes the fact that I don't get political anymore. I no longer post poetry. I no longer write in depth or of today's issues. I tend to lean towards challenges and towards cheese. I know some members of my family actually hate my blog. They say, "but in the real world." or "get a life." Where? Here in Po Fuggin Dunkervilleton? So I love my blog.....commit me! I write in here for me, not to please everyone else. I need this blog. Thank George Steinbrenner (and god) for my blog. Right now at this point in my life, this blog is a part of my life, if you try to make me ashamed for being a blog nerd it won't work. This is me and this is my blog, accept it or don't ever read it.

The words you are about to read are coming from a number 2 lead and on scratch paper. I woke this morning with an epiphany and started writing. As you all know I have problems with my computer I admit that. What I don't admit is that I am poor. Not poor as in "poor me" but poor as in poverty level. So What? Who cares? Not the government as they give aid to other countries they want to control. Not me, I don't care. I mean I hate it, it must be nice to have no worries. I accept it I am poor. I don't blame it on this or that or the government. Fuck it! I had a stroke of bad luck, things went up and down, luck of the draw! What the fuck ever. I do what I can, I do my beadwork, I will go back to college when I move. Even if I am 90 years old I will, I do love to learn. I will never quit learning. I am not crying around or asking for shit. This is the way it is I am a single mother raising 4 intelligent children on my own. Don't feel sorry for me I am blessed.

So back to my epiphany (I adore that word btw) I wanted to write of girls I know, am related to, met at some point in my life, or girls I want to know. I will do this as a "regular feature" on my blog under the above title.

As a girl (woman, lady, female) we do deserve credit. We all do as humans, don't get me wrong I love my fellow mankind. In the Catholic Women's college I attended I learned what a feminist is/was. I used to be scared of that word for a long time, I thought it meant to burn bras and hate men. I would not burn any of my bras or hate all men(maybe some) After I learned, I truly have come to love and embrace the term feminism.

My brother always jokes (he's a chauvanististic bastard, excuse him) that a woman could never be President because she is too emotional and irrational and illogical. "A woman will just do shit to be vindictive without thinking about it."


Wouldn't it better to discuss stuff over a cup of coffee and apple turnovers rather than throw bombs and missiles at some country to prove who is the toughest kid on the block? To find a way to "get back" at the enemy rather than kill innocent people not involved? I know...irrational. SO WHAT! Let me be irrational here for a minute.

It's not that I am against war (so, sue me!) I realize it is necessary (in defense) and sometimes it happens. Sometimes rights need to be defended, land, freedom, etc. Why go to war pretending you are defending all of the above but really you are just pleasing your conglomerates, corperations and big wigs that put stupid people in a trance to elect you. Why give every excuse in the book except that of what it really is *cough* oil *cough*

Why go to war but never show the number of civilians that died?...never show the pictures of children killed? The "collateral damage" whose names we will never know? We have said mission accomplished yet it goes on, we have said WMD's and never found them, we don't even know what the fuck we are doing anymore, the only certain thing anymore is death from all this.

Wait is this single mom getting too political on her blog?? Stop her! Whatever. Move over dumbass, give me the reins. I will provide more money for education, not look down at single moms as tax sucking freeloaders, give them a chance to feel pride in who they are. I will let everyone marry who they want. I will let women decide what to do with their bodies. I will tax all you mofo's accordingly, especially the filthy rich. I will mind my own business and let each country run their government the way they want. I will give EVERYONE a vacation. I will provide every person in America with one Krispy Kreme a day. (well spent tax dollars!)

Wow...ok before I get too political or irrational or did I do that already?.....If I offended anyone read one of my poems, rub a lil dirt on it, you'll be alright. "This is the one place I don't apologize."
This is what my blog is supposed to be about....girls. I seen an episode of Ellen on TV and she said something about walking in a parking lot one day and these two kids come flying by her. One of the kids said "Watch out for that lady!!"

She turned to look around and saw that they were talking about her. She was the lady.

"When did I become a lady? she said "I still feel like a girl!"

I know what she means....I am a girl. I will always be a girl. Yes I am a woman, lady, female, but before all that I was and am a girl.

When do you stop being a girl?

First period?

First love?

Lost virginity?

First heartbreak?



When? When? When?

I am a girl.....there are many of us with wonderful stories out there. Here is one of them

Chronicles of a Girl Part I
She was the youngest of 13 children and had a twin brother. Somehow lost in the sea of children she grew close to her brothers and sisters. Close to her nieces and nephews who were the same age as her. She married the love of her life at the age of 20 and bore him a daughter. Soon their passion caused a divorce and they moved their seperate ways. Both remarried but continued their stormy romance, causing friction in both families. She went on to have 7 more children and her oldest daughter made her a grandmother before she was 40. When she was 42 her twin died, making her feel incomplete and alone. She knew not how to deal with loss.

Her middle daughter died in a car accident at the age of 15. On her way to a dance she gave her money for after she let her daughter win the argument of even going. She knew not again how to deal with that loss. She put all pictures of her away, because she couldn't look at them. She never visited her grave.

Her mother died a year later.....she once again closed up all the feeling inside her.

Her husband died sometime later. She knew she no longer loved him but she didn't know when she quit loving him. The guilt made her give her veterans death benefits away. She split it amongst the 7 kids, even the one that wasn't his.

She battled lung cancer in her 60's. She saw her mother in the hospital hallway calling her to come home. She saw the angels at her hospital window. She wasn't done, she came back.

She is 72 today. Working full time raising 4 more grandchildren whose mothers left them with her. She is mistaken for being mean, bitter, crabby....sometimes she is. Most of the time, I think it is because that is the only way she deals with this life. She puts it all away and thats all that is left is the bitter and the emptiness. She is just a girl.

Disclaimer-All the girls in these chronicles are unnamed. I love my grandmother.

1 comment:

gerry said...

I love your brave effort to take up the challenge and write short anecdotes on women and their life. You seriously have the guts to take the negative feedback in your stride and come up with something as cool as the idea you proposed to post henceforth in your blog.
Do drop by my blog too coz am sure you'd love reading the same.