Thursday, March 1, 2007


Have you ever met a vampire?

I joke all the time that on my old page many "self proclaimed vampires" sent me invites...and that was TRUE! Especially in the beginning...then they figured that I have a very short neck and my blood is very common, plus I sent them to my dear Sarita in Germany.

But real life vampires...have you ever met? An old boss of mine had a term she called "psychological vampire." She used it to desribe my brother's girlfriend at the time...and I seen what she meant. She was gorgeous, so that was how she drew my brother, and unfortunately one of his best friends in. Once she had them , she drove them crazy. She was able to get them to do whatever she wanted. She had a great personality, on the outside but once you got to know her you seen past the pretty face for what she really was. She drained them of almost all they were and of their friendship together. Fortunately, they both realized what she was before the friendship was ruined beyond repair.

I had a friend that was so. She was my best friend in all the world and I loved her. We did everything together including getting in a car wreck. Not that that was fun, but it was something traumatic we went through that we survived together. We ended each phone call with I love you and our kids were awesome together. They called each of us "Auntie." We had the same taste in EVERYTHING and I forgave her for not liking sports and she forgave me for not liking rodeos.

But she was a vampire, an energy vampire. She drained me...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. She forever played the victim for every relationship she was in. She forever wanted me to save her, she forever had this attitude...."poor me, everyone hates me, life is so hard, I am sick, I will probably die soon..." On and on and on....sometimes I hated her just as much as I loved her.

If she wasn't draining me of every bit of life I have, she was blowing smoke up her own butt. This guy and that guy are so in love with me...This girl and that girl are so jealous of me...I am the best worker at Target...I am the kids' favorite worker at the school...blah blah blah.

It got to the point where I would hate her with all of my energy and then hate myself for feeling that way about my best friend.

Then one day, I realized this friendship was unhealthy. I realized that I let her control my feelings too much. I realized that being a good friend did not mean to let her control me and drain me that way. I stepped back after she threw a jealous fit and rampaged over talking to her boyfriend about football, while the Superbowl was on. She threw an aerosol can at me and knocked a hole in my wall. I threatened to call the cops and they left. I have not talked to her since that day. She tries, I heard she cries for me and my kids when she had too much to drink, which seems to be more and more lately. She called me last week at about 4am. I answered the phone and she was drunk.

When I heard her voice I immediately thought something was wrong and my compassion mode kicked in... then when she asked what I was doing and I told her sleeping, she started on a rampage "FU, who the F do you think you are??? You are not better than me!" That was all I heard when I hung up. She didn't change, but I did.

What I fear is my lovely neices will take after her. If I was a bitch, I could gloat in her misery, as she is what she never wanted to be...single. I could gloat, but all I feel is pity for the girl. I don't even know who she is. I never did.

Just like in intimate relationships, sometimes you need to know when to end it, the same as friendships. No matter how much it hurts.


robert said...

Yes its true that at times u need to put a stop to those relations that keeps on hurting u or exploiting u in some way or the other...but have u ever tried to think why ur best friend was like that? i mean to say...u have always being a good friend and fairly compassionate to u could have found out if she was undergoing some psychological problems...coz these are some kind of superiority complexes which girls often suffer no matter how modest they are...since u have already put an end to everything...the only thing u can do now is pray hard so that she gets well soon and comes out of this cribbing habit...check out my blog too to find some interesting stuffs on friendship :)

JohnB said...

The problem matter what you do people can only change themselves. Until they decide, there is nothing you can do for them; life's too short for anything else.

I've had a very similar experience to you Dana...and the only way out was to cut them as viciously as I could out of my life. Sometimes one just has to 'shake the dust' off their feet and move on.

Dana L said...

I never tried to find out after I tried once, why she was the way she was....she quickly became defensive and the day she accused me of her man was the day I ended the friendship.