Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Wind Song and Catshit

What are the odds of this happening?

She looked in the mirror in the bathroom at herself. She still looked the same, except for the fact that her eyes were a little swollen from throwing up for the last five minutes. she was nervous about having to go to coronation tonight. She don't know how she was even nominated for homecoming queen. she wasn't a cheerleader and really didn't give a fuck if anyone thought of her as popular. Lately she had been keeping to herself, not even staging anymore sit ins for the student body for issues she thought needed attention, like she did her junior year of high school. She knew one thing, she didn't want to end up here on the reservation, stuck with a bunch of babies and a cheating man, like so many other girls older than her did. It was a dead end, life here on the rez.

Just thinking about it made her throw up again.

After her session with the toilet bowl she went back to her bedroom where her cousin was proudly holding up the only dress that she owned.

Look here it is! I found it!

There was a catshit stain on it. She ran to the bathroom and threw up again.

I can't do this. I won't stand up there with a catshit dress while the other girls are wearing formals. She told her cousin.

Yes, you will! don't you know how lucky you are! Her cousin told her and pushed her out of the bathroom. Go lie down for awhile. I will clean this dress off.

After a short nap she came out holding the dress up proudly. See I did it!

What the fuck is that smell? She asked her cousin.

I got the catshit smell out. She said looking disappointed. Oh I sprayed it with grandma's Wind Song.

I would throw up again, but I have nothing left to throw up. She told her cousin as they put the dress on. It was a simple white shift and not at all close to the formals the other girls would be wearing. The smell was horrendous, as if the Wind Song made it worse.

They heard a car door slam and laughter. They looked at each other with worried looks, knowing full well, what was on it's way inside.

YOU FUCKING WHORE!!! WHERE ARE YOU!! YOU BETTER NOT THINK YOU ARE LEAVING TONIGHT!!

Go out the window! Hurry! Her cousin jumped out the window, while she was climbing out her mom was coming in the door. She tried to grab her by the hair but missed by an inch.

GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!

She ran to her cousin's house with no shoes on, crying.

I can't do this tonight, she told her cousin.

Bullshit. You will do this. I have some shoes somewhere. She could only find a pair of pink flats.

I will make them match, her cousin said, finding a pair of pink earrings and a pink ribbon for her hair. Her aunt gave her a ride to the school when they was all ready.

She stood backstage as they announced the runner ups. I will not live on this reservation forever, she prayed. Her name was called last. She was just announced the homecoming queen of 1971. She walked out to the crowd clapping, the parents of the runner up girls and the girls with disappointed looks on their faces. No one was there to take her picture. Her cousin was beaming.

Do I even feel proud, she thought to herself as they put the tiara on her head. She could still smell the catshit and Wind Song and realized it was the first time she felt the baby growing inside her kick.

1 comment:

Mike S said...

Great writing!!