My Son Will NEVER drive.

*my son Jalen in my car

I am watching him cruise....right now.

Now granted, I am not one of those controlling parents who gives them time outs and a real good talking to. I just whipped their asses. The thing is, I never have to, hardly ever had to, and I have some well behaved kids.

They are not perfect, they fart, half kill each other and can make a hangover worse. They get lazy , get allowances taken away and have to be screamed at to pick up after themselves.

But I never controlled them with religion, politics, or the ratings of a movie. I monitor the computer very closely and although I do talk to them about politics, religion and what not, they are encouraged and entitled to their own opinions. In the midst of the democratic primary, while I was a stern Barack supporter, my boys decorated their playstation with Hillary stickers. hmph.

The other day I noticed that in the year before high school, I have yet to hear them cuss. Even my siblings who are their age, told me they don't cuss when inquired. So I told them, the other day because I am such a great mom. "You know, you're gonna both be in high school, so I think it's ok for you to cuss, now."

They looked at me like I was up to something, and I am sure Jalen tasted the soap from when he was 5.

They both looked at me and laughed "I don't want to." Ty said "Because you sound stupid doing it, and I never did get used to the idea of cussing."

"Well, I was just saying, go for it. I don't mind as long as you don't do it in front of other adults. Give it a try...say bitch once."

"Mom you're so stupid. Imma tell everyone you are trying to force us to cuss. You know, being a kid is a priviledge we only get once. I am not going to ruin it by tryin to be an adult and sound all stupid like you." said the 14 year old Jalen.

So maybe I was testing them. Seeing if they would, but I wasn't going to get mad. I just wanted to see, if I did an ok job so far. I think I did.

So then we get home and I tell them that they have to learn to drive, because I hate driving and then they can drive their uber cool mom around.

Then tonight I worked really late for inventory and I sit on the couch eating pizza while watching Ty play San Andreas GTA.

He hit the side of a rail on a bridge while driving a motorcycle. He flew over 100 yards and landed on his face on the curb below. So he jumps up and out of mid air a jet pack appears. He flies up to his bike and gets on, therefore causing 3 wrecks and what seemed to be 7 certain deaths on arrival. All the time I hear the police and am ready to point him out if they appear. I can't believe my son turned into this monster. Just when I think things can't get worse, he flies down this cliffs and gets hit by a truck. Now I know there was no way he can survive that! Then he open fires on some dude he didn't know, and not even to steal his car. The dude is laying outside his car a bloody mess and Ty runs over his poor broken leg and then backs over it laughing at my shock. He looks at me and say oh yeah watch this, at that point I get up and walk over to the computer to tell you this.

That boy will never drive my car.