Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Old People Are Cool

I am not talking old like "parent old."

I mean like really old....like dust fartin, one foot in the grave, daisy's calling you old?

My friend Amy asked me the other day "Would you want to live to be 97? I sure the fuck don't" she said.

I was like "Well as long as I don't shit my pants and have my senses still yeah I would."

If I lose my marbles like my great gram did, thats ok, I would meet new people everyday and be happy.

If I shit my pants...that ain't ok, but the thing is...you could.

Old people always have nice cars and loads of money. But they always act like they are broke...but thats why they have lots of money because they act like they are broke. I seen my grandma buy a pack of gum with a hundred.

They ask for gas in the full service part of the gas station by the gallon not the amount.

They tip a dollar and wink when they do it.

They can run their car into a shopping mall and take out 4 or 10 people and say it was the car.

They always have candy.

Their whole family fears them.

They pick out their clothes carefully, even if it's a T-shirt with a flowerpot.

They know some good dirty jokes.

I knew this one old chick that ran a thrift store that swore to god she invented the thong. She used to work in a cabaret back in the day and said she never got a patent on it but if she did she would be rich.

I knew this old guy when I used to bartend whose middle name was Schrapnel after the schrapnel bomb, his uncle invented it. So thanks to him, the unabomber and many others became famous. He even showed me his drivers license and sure enough his middle name was Schrapnel.

So do I want to live to be old? Hell yeah, they have great music and good stories. If I shit my pant...oh well then I know it's my kids turn to put up with my stink.

4 comments:

Josie Two Shoes said...

Hehehe, this made me smile.

Daisy said...

I LOVE old people. I am probably more patient w/ them than many people our age because I realize how much we have to learn from them. My great-grandma passed away about a year and a half ago at the age of 90. She always wore nice buttoned shirts and slacks--everyday, even if she wasn't going anywhere. She loved watching ESPN and doing word find puzzles. She had 6 kids and lost 2 of them before she died. She put up with my grandpa's orneriness and nursed him through his sickness. She lived alone for 10 years after she lost him, surprising the hell out of all of us. She laid down one day, fell asleep, and never woke up. She deserved to go so peacefully after living such a long life.

I'm w/ you... I don't fear old age at all. The only thing I fear is how others will treat me. Hopefully I'll be as mean and as sharp as my great-grandma, though, and no one will mess w/ me!

Donna~K said...

LOL Girl, you are crazy. :)

The Black Hornet said...

well, i'm old now so ...