Tuesday, October 16, 2007

One Up Mofo

I think we all know this type. And I would like to steer clear from them in this lifetime but I am sure they come in every shape, size, gender, race, sexual orientation, and I am sure where evere I go in this world..even if it was the Galapagos Islands or The North Pole I would run into another species or some other shit of the sort.
Like some big lizard sunning on a rock that knows a sure way to hike without falling...or a penguin that has fancier footwork than everyone else and shovs it in your face. Or some of Santa's helpers that can outwrap you in the gift-wrapping category.
The "annoying-ass-know-it-all, one upper."
Do you have friends like this? Or one in your family? Or co-worker?
No matter what you say they already knew it. Sometimes you can make a statement and they answer you like it's a question. Or you talk about an experience and they had the same one, but better.
You do a little bragging about your kids, and their kids done more, better and don't smell like your kids do.
I happen to know a thing or two about a thing or two. I wouldn't say I was brilliant, but I will toot my family's horn, because so much of my blog's content come from everyday conversations with my family. Otherwise I would blog about scrapbooking and shit and I don't even scrapbook.
My kids are great, well behaved and good at football. They are just now teens and aren't into drugs are running around. BUT, half the time they smell like wet dogs, the younger ones eat way too much junk food, I have to tell them 3 to 15 times to clean up after themselves (most of the time in a gently louder voice.) I have to intervene many times a day before they kill each other. And all four of them attract dirt like crap attracts flies.
I just thought of this today when I wasn't asking a question and this girl answered me, I said something one day about my son being a good boy and her son was better and walks on water and can fly and shit at the same time.
I don't have to prove shit, I'm human. But...being human means that I have accept her for how she is...after all she's human too.

Now, just how the hell do I break the news to her that she is human?


Missy A said...

you can't because being the know it all that they are, they of course already know

Got ours coming round today he'll pull out all the plugs/fittings/wires of the comp sitting on our table put em all back in the same places and say "look I fixed it for you" ...arrgh

Anonymous said...

On one hand I can count them: That bastard from Dominos I worked with, Eric; My Uncle Mitch; This other guy I worked with, Brandon; My Son (sometimes, well ok most of the time); and You!! (when it comes to just how good, and how many this and thats the Yankees have won since before chirst ((who happens to be George Rozenbagger himself)) was born!!)

Dana Dane said...

well of course

The Black Hornet said...

dude - having a kid that flies and shits is not anything to be happy about. That's downright gross. DMB Tour Bus gross.