Home

I know i wrote about going home...or coming home in the past.
I used to want to get away from here when I was growing up. I never wanted to live where I was from. So i did.
I became a gypsy of sorts. I moved around a tri-state area and even tried living in the Twin cites. Which was wonderful, I loved it.
the diversity, the culture, the public transportation.
something to do all the time.
Except I never had the money to do anything.
So i decided to come back twice, the last time resulting in a pregnancy. then I ran.
I didn't want to be pregnant. I didn't want to have a baby from this guy.
i remmeber one day waking up and thinking I had my monthly. Thanking god that i only skipped a month and I reqally wasn't pregnant. Then i felt her kicking a couple of weeks later. Well not kicking but that first little flutter.
So I left. I moved away one morning and thought i would never come back.
Living away from home was hard. It always is hard to adjust to life "off the rez." You end up paying more bills of course and although finding housing is easier, the rules and regulations living in a "whiteman's world" is so different. I guess nobody would understand....unless they lived here.
So when I kept updating my housing application here and realized i was getting closer to being here, i moved back to a little town off the reservation. A town I grew to love and even wondered if i should really move back to the reservation.
Then one day my son fell on the way to school, got mud on his pants, but went to school anyway. He was a 12 year old boy and which 12 year old boy would turn around and change before going to school. From that point on i was under investigation from social Services, coming in my house and looking around. Interviewing the boys after a night out at the 20 bar with my brother when he came to visit. My middle boy scrathed between his legs, and I became under investigation for sexual abuse. The doctor was pissed and told me to tell them that ALL MALES scratch there. When Stephon got bruises I was under investigation for physical abuse, only to show he was anemic and likes to roughhouse. I had to make the boys quit wrestling, which is hard to do when you have 3 boys.
Then my name came up and they had a house for me.
I probably would have let it go if all that hadn't happened in that small town. So I packed up, signed the papers and moved home.

i loved being back. Most people didn't recognize me but I didn't care. Alot of pepple thought I just moved back and got a house. I wished! I wouold have moved home long time ago if thats the case.
At first there were a couple of guys I knew from high school trying to go out with me. One married, one not but he had issues and was too needy. So I kept them at a distance.
My ex tried to come back and I think it was only because I have a house to tell you the truth.
when I got the email from Bruce i was so nervous. I think he though I had a man so he apologized for writing and said he never forgot me.
When he signed it "Always and Forever" I felt all that love again
I wrote back and we started talking on the phone.
He said "We should get married." I was like "someday huh?"
He said no when I get down there....we wasted enough time in the past.
I laughed, then I took it as a challenge.
taunting him
do it then...Bring it...you won't marry me.
Up until the minutes before we went in the judges office we looked at each other and said...you ready to back out?
lol
Now coming home has a whole new meaning. Yes i came home to always be here for my kids.
But when I wake up in the morning and see my husband laying beside me it means so much more to be home.
I came home in more ways than one.
I love my life right now.