Tuesday, May 1, 2007

hmmm

Just last week I wrote about being in your 30's and wondering what was next and my how things can change in one week.
I am not sure I am ready to share it yet, so I will just reflect on the past.
there were many time in my past when all I cared about was being loved. By a man.
It started in high school and continued until I thought someone did love me and I loved him.
Well let's start at the beginning, i grew up as a child of divorce, as most people did. My heart was broke without my daddy. Then my mom married Behshid who was wonderful, loving and inspirational in my youth. Then he was gone. Next came my step-dad Robert....who bless him put up with my turbulent, rebelling pre-teen and teen age years.
Now I never been in therapy or talked to a counselor (because I don't need it) but I am sure they would say that this past always made me feel the need to fill a void in my life by falling in love over and over again.
It started in high school with my first boyfriend, I did love him and always ended back up with him, until he switched schools and well something else happened.
I even put up with a man for 11 years through emotional and physical abuse because I thought he loved me.
After that I tried to proceed with caution and just recently ended a 6 month stint with the biggest loser, pathological liar, in the closet mama's boy I have ever met.
Still I proceed with caution...so much I may seem like a man hater...i really am not. I LOVE MEN! lol Especially Johnny Depp and Derek Jeter.
My brother and Dirty Steve always tease me that I will be single forever because I always tease their girlfriends when they do things for them, like scratch their back, fetch them a beer and such. Thats when the feminist in me comes out and rants "I won't be doing things like that for nobody." and so on.....

Then something happens and has me thinking twice ...and three, four times....
and smiling.

So yeah, here I am in my 30's just waiting to see what's next.

5 comments:

Josie said...

I like the sound of this! Can almost feel you smiling up there... sometimes life throws us some pretty cool surprises. :-)

JohnB said...

it could be, that as it happened was meant to, and only by that path you have tread you have arrived at the point which will lead you right...who can say?

Missy A said...

find one who will wait on you, one that doesn't have his hands in his pockets figuratively speaking of course.
who says you have to have a man anyway, as long as the kids have another or more adults to interact with teach them show them how to do things, you can't do everything thats what the "other half" does, thats what granma does, they learn from other people how society works and I know you aren't alone just because you don't have a fella it doesn't matter there are plenty of people out there who choose to be single besides once you get into the habit of being by yourself its very difficult to break

Jeepers said...

you know we've kinda been through some of the same stuff..my mom told me I was the biggest male basher she knew..and it's not true. I knew what I was looking for in a man...and I wasn't going to settle for 2nd best. And I believe I've found him. But sometimes it takes awhile..and you go through some losers..believe me I went through 3yrs. of them. But I am glad something is making you smile. Hopefully it will be a lifelong smile

Alissa said...

*Giggles*