I fell in love right off with this guy named Bruce. He was my first boyfriend....and my second and so on...we were on and off.
High school sweethearts.
He was a fancy dancer, which if you don't know...is a competition dancer for our native pow wows.
We went our seperate ways when I was 17 and he was 18. Soon after I found out I was pregnant with his baby. It was summertime and he was hitting the pow wow trail, so even when I did work up the courage to tell him, he would be out of town. I miscarried at 8 weeks and never told a soul until I was older. I actually did write a story about being a teenager and suffering through a miscarriage but I never submitted it to Seventeen magazine like I wanted to. I felt guilty and still do because I was scared and didn't want the baby. So I blamed myself for years for the miscarriage...and still do somewhat, even though it was probably for the better.
I pushed him in my past and tried to move on, though I always thought of him.
I heard he got married and had a bunch of kids, so that was that.
Over the years and through my 11 year past relationship, I used to wonder what it would be like if I ended up with him. I knew it was impossible, but I was still human, still just a girl with dreams...even though I thought I was doomed to an unhappy relationship for the rest of my life.
I found him on classmates.com and we communicated through there...but if any of you have ever been there, you can't communicate on classmates.com. You can only send HI's and such. You can't even send a message. So in my profile I wrote a real cryptic email address. I wrote it as danadotlonehillatgmaildotcom. I was hoping he would see it. I also googled him and found he was with a drum group called The Crazy Horse Singers. I know I am a stalker haha. But nothing ever came of it, anyway.
Awhile back I opened my email to find an email from him and it started a flood of email between us, until finally just phone calls. I found out he never did get married, like me.
He found out about the pregnancy and says he wished he would have known.
We talked for hours just like when we was in high school. I asked him how he came to find my email address.
He said his mom told him to look for a happy ad in the newspaper. She swore someone sent him a happy ad. He said he looked and looked but never saw the happy ad. But he saw my column, and got on a computer and went to classmates.com and seen my cryptic email address.
And that was that.
I wonder now if there really was a happy ad. lol
To make a long story short, things took a serious turn last week and yes, thanks to my auntie's comment yesterday I guess the cat is out of the bag.
I'm getting married tomorrow to the boy with one green eye and one blue eye. To my first love. And I can't stop smiling. It feels so good to let this out finally.
When I told my aunt she asked me "How long have you known him?"
"Forever." I said.